I don't enjoy any kind of danger or volatility. I don't have that kind of 'I love the bad guys' thing. No, no thank you. I like nice people.

It doesn't matter if it's a school play or a dumb TV show. It's your work. You should care about it so much that people get annoyed with you.

Gravity”: “It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die then spend one more minute with a woman his own age.

To me YES, AND means don't be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you're adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.

Will Ferrell is a dangerous man. If he thinks you're in his way in show business, he will crack your head open. He's the Jeff Gillooly of comedy.

Wafah Dufour bin Laden, niece of Osama bin Laden has signed a contract to star in a reality show... called Skating with the Nieces of Terrorists.

I think the philosophy will continue to be what it always was; which was, let's keep throwing a bunch of things at the wall, and see what sticks.

North Korea referred to The Interview as absolutely intolerable and a wanton act of terror. Even more amazing: not the worst review the movie got.

I learned quickly that trying to force Country Folk to love the Big City is like telling your gay cousin, "You just haven't met the right girl yet.

An acting teacher once told me, 'Greet everything with yes... Even if you abandon one idea for another one, saying yes allows you to move forward.'

Twitter seems like a busman's holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I'll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I'm old-fashioned that way.

Most of my work is done before we start shooting, preparation work, so my normal day begins when I start writing, it might even be the night before.

[Television] is a great medium for writers, because there's just no time for a studio to interfere very long. You write it, you shoot it; it's on TV.

I hire people that are good, and aren't crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.

Ladies gotta say no to their husbands at the movies. They gotta say: "No, we are watching back-to-back cancer movies. And then this movie about a cat."

Then she took out a speculum the size of a milk shake machine. Even Michelle Duggar would have flinched at this thing, but I had never seen one before.

You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go.

Sometimes I'll be telling my husband, 'I think I'm cracking up'. Sometimes you just need a minute to say, 'I think I'm cracking' and just acknowledge it.

I have a suspicion that the definition of "crazy" in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to f*** [sleep with her] anymore.

My parents are very well-behaved. If anything, if my Mom were here right now, she would hug and kiss every one of you hello, and then she would feed you.

The barrier between TV and movies has come down and film actors are willing to do TV and vice versa, because they just want to follow what's interesting.

My mom wanted me to apply to Princeton, cause she just I guess since I was a kid had this dream that I would apply to Princeton, and it was not happening.

Pissing in jars, they had never been handed a fifteen-year-old Kotex product by the school nurse. But they trusted me and Paula, so I'm proud to say we made

If you're an actor and you don't get cast in stuff a lot, then put together a show or hold play-reading nights at your apartment. Make your own opportunities.

I think you basically have to abandon the dreams of having any other adult activities in your life. You have to go to sleep whenever your child goes to sleep.

When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and I thought: "Hey, this isn't the dress rehearsal, this is life and I don't know how much longer I'm going to have!"

In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.

That turned-up collar. The jacket that zipped all the way down the front into a nice fitted shape. The white denim that made my untanned skin look like a color.

For most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us, unless you believe in evolution. Actually, I take it back. The whole thing is a disaster.

I like to write about women, not so much about the way they relate to men, but about the way they relate to each other. And I don't think anyone's really doing it.

A willingness to drop your ego and let yourself look foolish. You almost have to enjoy looking vulnerable. You'd be surprised how many people don't want to do that.

You must not look in that mirror at your doughy legs and flat feet, for today is about dreams and illusions, and unfiltered natural daylight is the enemy of dreams.

Saudi Arabian police arrested seven teenage boys for leering at women. In accordance with Saudi law, the boys will be whipped and the women will be stoned to death.

I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Really looking at yourself and going, 'Yeah, I'm not cool enough for the West Village.'

Pentagon records show that at least 8,000 members of the all-volunteer U.S. Army have deserted since the Iraq war began. Hey, at least somebody has an exit strategy.

When a man plays a woman in a dress, you're halfway there. It's inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it's not that instant kind of funny.

I'm a logic monster, if things don't make sense I've gotta make sense of them. I enjoy helping to develop material for movies, it's a way for me to get into the part.

You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers!

I have two daughters, and we live here in Manhattan, and having gone through the Manhattan kindergarten application process, nothing will ever rival the stress of that.

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

When actors are too good-looking, I can’t memorize them. For example, I have never seen a picture of Sienna Miller where I didn’t say, “That girl’s pretty. Who is that?

...I can't possibly take time off for a second baby, unless I do, in which case that is nobody's business and I'll never regret it for a moment unless it ruins my life.

Either way, everything will be fine. But if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. Everyone else does.

The first time I went to see a Second City show, I was in awe of everything. I just wanted to touch the same stage that Gilda Radner had walked on. It was sacred ground.

I think if you ask any of us here, we all dreamed of ending up on Saturday Night Live. I remember thinking, 'I'll just keep doing this as long as I can get away with it.'

When I started on 'Saturday Night Live,' I had the choice of wearing contact lenses, which I had never worn before, or glasses, in order to be able to read the cue cards.

It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.

At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday. So instead I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment.

The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling.

In Into the Woods, Cinderella runs from her prince, Rapunzel is thrown from a tower for her prince, and Sleeping Beauty just thought she was getting coffee with Bill Cosby.

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