Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I still want Oprah to play my best friend. I want to spend time with Oprah.
If you care about [the characters] as if they were real, that always helps.
Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year for nothing!
When choosing sexual partners, remember: Talent is not sexually transmittable.
[...] things most people do naturally are often inexplicably difficult for me.
I don't like my feet. I'm not crazy about anybody's feet. But I have flat feet.
You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.
Don't be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable.
It has been said that to write is to live forever. The man who said that is dead.
It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.
The ladies of comedy now are comfortable dressing up. It's not forbidden anymore.
It’s no more dangerous to society than a radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds.
You know who does have a funny bone in her body? Your mom every night for a dollar.
My work is my work. I take my work seriously but I don't take myself too seriously.
I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math.
This requires a level of delusion/egomania usually reserved for popes and drag queens
Every kid has something they're good at, that you hope they find and gravitate toward.
I want to spend time with Oprah and I don't know what I need to do to make that happen.
I want to spend time with Oprah, and I don't know what I need to do to make that happen.
It's easy to fall into the trap of just cranking out things that are good enough to sell.
I went to the University of Virginia and I came from, I grew up in suburban Philadelphia.
If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”
If these two are tired of having sex with each other, what hope is there for the rest of us?
This made no sense to me, probably because I speak English and have never had a head injury.
Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity.
Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue.
Acting is really about showing up that day and telling the writers what you feel like saying.
I have to say, I'm really not that attractive. Until I met my husband, I could not get a date.
Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.
Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.
Sometimes if you have a difficult decisin to make, just stall until the answer presents itself.
If you ever start to feel good about yourself... .... they have this thing called the internet.
I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.
Am I just chasing it because it's the hardest thing for me to get and I want to prove I can do it?
To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.
The same ten minutes that magazines urge me to use for sit-ups and triceps dips, I used for sobbing.
I had to get back to work... NBC has me under contract; the baby and I only have a verbal agreement.
I was wearing my best Gap turtleneck and my dates were two adult lesbians, so yea, I was pretty cool.
Seriously, I've just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.
A wise friend once told me, 'Don't wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what they wear.'
I was like, oh, I want to sign up for "Catwoman," and then Anne Hathaway had already signed up for it.
I didn't get on TV until I was 30, which is really fortunate because you are who you are at that point.
My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.
We're gonna promote freedom. Usher in democratic values and ideals. And fight terror-loving terrorists.
I don't like a tremendous amount of conflict. I don't think that fighting and passion are the same thing.
No other formula gives your baby a better start in life except that stuff that comes out of you for free.
One of the great things about doing animated movies is that you don't have to dress up or put on make-up.
At some point, you realize that people might be laughing at your jokes because they're afraid not to laugh.
Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we're like Oprah and Gale. Only we're not denying anything.