Quotes by Zach Braff - Page 7

I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myown body. I don't break eye contact until I blow my load. Not once do I actually touch myself.
Zach Braff / Actor
Morning
Blow
Eye
Copy Quote
If we're going to solve the problems in North Korea, the first thing we're going to have to do is start helping them get basic amenities like electricity, televisions, and DVD players over there. Otherwise, how can they watch 'Garden State'?
Zach Braff / Actor
Dvds
Garden
Player
Copy Quote
People always say The God Father is the #1 movie of all time. But ask yourself, did you see Zach Braff in it....No you didn't. So then by default it goes to Garden State..and if youwatch two episodes of scrubs back to back that counts as the #2.
Zach Braff / Actor
Father
Garden
Two
Copy Quote
I once looked in the mirror at myself and noticed that, without a doubt, I am a sexy man. In fact, I don't think I'll ever get married...it just wouldn't be fair for my spouse to catch me enjoying a look in the mirror more than having sex with her.
Zach Braff / Actor
Men
Sexy
Thinking
Copy Quote
A lot of people say colonialism was 'evil' or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don't think it should be considered 'racist' to admit maybe ending apartheid did more harm than good in South Africa.
Zach Braff / Actor
Evil
People
Thinking
Copy Quote
Now, I'm not going to be misquoted on this like I have numerous times before, so I'll be quite clear. I've never said hitler was my hero, just that if he had focused on more than one race he would have had the right idea. Try to turn that one against me.
Zach Braff / Actor
Hero
Ideas
Race
Copy Quote
You always see actors complaining about being typecast and ruining their career. Really, I don't see the point in complaining. If the only role you can play well is a black dude, you're never going to get ahead in this town, and you should just accept it.
Zach Braff / Actor
Black
Careers
Play
Copy Quote
Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.
Zach Braff / Actor
Eyebrows
Fake
Mean
Copy Quote
It's kind of ironic that my character is a doctor who acts very gay with his best friend. I don't see how gays could ever be doctors, they spend too much time whining about everything. Just get off your soapbox and go back to designing floral arrangements.
Zach Braff / Actor
Character
Doctors
Gay
Copy Quote
If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn't really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two of us, it's light and dark. I am by far the better Jew.
Zach Braff / Actor
Dark
Garden
Light
Copy Quote
People still make New Year's resolutions? Wow. I figured those were pointless once I perfected myself by directing, writing, and acting in Garden State. I guess it makes sense, though. It gives people a chance to hope that they can become as great as me someday.
Zach Braff / Actor
New Year
Garden
Writing
Years
Copy Quote
I think they're bogus, honestly. How utter garbage like Crash and Million Dollar Baby can win best picture, where true works of art such as Garden State go untouched is beyond me. It just proves how close-minded America really is, and I refuse to take part in it.
Zach Braff / Actor
Art
Baby
Winning
Copy Quote
I had no interest in sports so I didn't make friends in that traditional way where kids are in public school and they go and they join clubs, and play sports. So I kind of had to find my own way to make friends and get attention and so I just was the class clown.
Zach Braff / Actor
Friends
Kids
Sports
Attention
Class
Clown
Clubs
My Own
Public School
School
Traditional
Class Clown
Public
Join
No Interest
Traditional Way
Copy Quote
I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We're the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday, but you don't see us demanding a whole month to ourselves.
Zach Braff / Actor
Everyday
Mean
Needs
Copy Quote
Lots of people were giving me flak when I made the deal to do the very last season of Scrubs for $350,000 an episode. When really I'm the one that's being cheated, because the writer's strike is keeping me from all the money that I could be making. I need to eat, too.
Zach Braff / Actor
Giving
Needs
People
Copy Quote
It was really starting to get pathetic, everyday they would come in looking for one thing or another. 'Zach, can you give me some acting tips?' 'Zach, will you let me blow you?' 'Can I have some cash?' That's when I made the call, that's when I decided seven was enough
Zach Braff / Actor
Blow
Everyday
Giving
Copy Quote
When you were a kid and the circus came to town it was awesome to see these little creatures, but these things go out of fashion, like polyester blazers with rolled up sleeves. We don't have to suffer them anymore so why are there all these little people running around?
Zach Braff / Actor
Kids
Running
Fashion
Copy Quote
In fifth grade, we had to write a story and read it in front of the class. When I read mine out, the class were just belly laughing. And I remember being like, 'This is the coolest!' So I want to dedicate my life to trying to make people laugh. I can't imagine doing anything else.
Zach Braff / Actor
Belly
Fifth
Life Remember My Life
Life Remember People
Anything Else
Coolest
Dedicate
Grade
Copy Quote
I don't think that other races are inferior, I just think that there's something special about white people. Sometimes, when I think about all the things white people have accomplished throughout history, I smile, and I nod, and I think to myself, 'Yeah, I'm glad I'm on that team.'
Zach Braff / Actor
Race
Team
Thinking
Copy Quote
You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it's really just the same actor playing both characters in the scene? I knew this would be the best route, but I just wasn't comfortable dressing as a woman, so I had to hire other actors.
Zach Braff / Actor
Character
Looks
Would Be
Copy Quote
One time I considered making a video game about my life where people control a character called 'Zach Braff' and run around being awesome. Then I realized that getting to pretend to be me would be like shooting up heroin for anyone who played it, and I don't want that on my conscience.
Zach Braff / Actor
Running
Character
Games
Copy Quote
Michael Eisner contacted me once and asked me if he could change the name of Disneyland to 'Braffland.' I said no, because whenever I go to Disneyland there's always fat people everywhere wearing tight clothes. Disneyland, frankly, has a lot of improving to do before it gets my namesake.
Zach Braff / Actor
Clothes
Names
People
Copy Quote
When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie...well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for all the deaths people will suffer out of shock upon hearing them. They're a terrific band.
Zach Braff / Actor
People
Play
Suffering
Copy Quote
I don't know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap symbol as my own so I could park in handicap spots. Deformed people should be honored to park so close to me. Meeting a celebrity like me may give them hope in their mistake of a life.
Zach Braff / Actor
Giving
Mistake
People
Copy Quote
People are always going to find fault with anything you do, any process that you're a part of. The creative process means taking risks, I've taken risks and I've made mistakes, but the bottom line is, could anyone else have done any better ? I have to believe that what I created was worthwhile.
Zach Braff / Actor
Believe
Mistake
Taken
Copy Quote
So, yeah, I mean, there is something universal about that feeling - that 20-something, what the hell am I going to do with my life, I'm lost and my parents are freaking me out, and what's the point? Every generation has a way of making that unique, but there are certain universals of that feeling.
Zach Braff / Actor
Mean
Parent
Unique
Copy Quote
When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times.
Zach Braff / Actor
Running
Junk
Play
Copy Quote
I feel really bad for everyone who died on 9/11. Not just the people in the World Trade Center, Pentagon, or Flight 93, but all of the terrorists, too. 'Garden State' came out in 2004. That means none of them got a chance to see it. Let that sink in for a second. No wonder they're building a memorial.
Zach Braff / Actor
Garden
Mean
People
Copy Quote
I could see why someone would want to make a website about me, and my quotes. They are all gold. How many people have written, directed AND starred in their own movies. I just don't know why they would want to put words into my mouth, I mean I did write, direct AND star in a critically acclaimed movie.
Zach Braff / Actor
Mean
Stars
Writing
Copy Quote
One of the things I like about being a celebrity is that you can get away with murder. Not just metaphorically, literally. Remember that annoying blond dog reporter at E News used to talk smack about me? I paid two mobsters five million dollars each to throw her off the Stratosphere tower in Las Vegas.
Zach Braff / Actor
Dog
Two
Vegas
Copy Quote
I lot of people remember when that kid spray-painted my brand new Porsche for Punk'd. That was pretty funny. He got me pretty good. Of course, most people don't know I eventually got him back with my own show. I call it a show, really it's just an hour-long video shot in my bedroom featuring the two of us.
Zach Braff / Actor
Kids
Long
Two
Copy Quote
When I think about the holidays, I think about the Salvation Army guys ringing bells in front of stores. They're always so nice to you and they're always willing to give a heart to heart conversation. They actually bear the winter cold to ask for your petty cash with a smile on their face. Fudge those guys.
Zach Braff / Actor
Heart
Holiday
Nice
Copy Quote
The thing about all these charities is that who sees where the money goes? I don't and you don't. For all I know, the president of Make a Wish just used all the money to buy himself a mansion and a yacht. That's why I keep all of my money for myself, at least then I know I'm doing good for at least one person for sure.
Zach Braff / Actor
Charity
President
Wish
Copy Quote
I think the saddest moments in life have humor in them. I have a memory of coming home from a funeral with my family in the back of a limousine and someone cracking a joke and us just hysterically belly laughing. It's how we always dealt with tragedy in our lives and I think it's such a healthy way to deal with sadness.
Zach Braff / Actor
Home
Memories
Sadness
Copy Quote
If you're dumb enough to volunteer for the army, I don't see why we're supposed to feel so bad when you get shot. I'm not saying we should throw a party or anything, but is it such a tragedy? If I'd gotten shot before I made 'Garden State', yeah, that's a tragedy, but some red-state hick getting his legs blown off? Come on.
Zach Braff / Actor
Army
Garden
Party
Copy Quote
As a kid who wasn't into sports, at school I felt almost alienated at times, whereas in the theatre community there was this amazing sense of camaraderie. Early on, we would go to rehearsals with my dad and I was like the mascot for the backstage crew. That was a big part of my childhood, so I dreamed of one day doing a play in London.
Zach Braff / Actor
Dad
Sports
Camaraderie
Crew
London
School
Theatre
Alienated
Backstage
Big Part
Dreamed
Rehearsals
Whereas
Copy Quote
In my opinion, one of the biggest drawbacks about Sergio Leone films are the scores composed by Ennio Morricone. If [Leone] were as talented as I am, he would have made mixtapes for his movies instead of letting some schmuck write the soundtracks for him. But then if he were as talented as I am, he'd be Zach Braff. And have his own Grammy.
Zach Braff / Actor
Mixtapes
Opinion
Writing
Copy Quote
I came when I was in high school as part of a student exchange program with the Jewish Community Center in New Jersey, to Ramat Eliyahu. You come and volunteer for five weeks at a day camp. I was a teenager - I couldn't really appreciate it as much, and now I come back as an adult and I can really get the flavor of the city, and I love it.
Zach Braff / Actor
Appreciate
Flavor
Jersey
New Jersey
Program
Volunteer
Adult
Jewish
Weeks
Camp
Center
Exchange
Student
Copy Quote
I remember once I went to go see a movie, and in front of me in line there was a little boy who looked so eager to see it, like it was Christmas morning. When he got to the ticket booth it turned out there was only one ticket left; the manager was there and wanted to give it to me instead since I was famous. That's when I knew I'd hit it big.
Zach Braff / Actor
Morning
Boys
Giving
Copy Quote
I think we have to acknowledge that people are different and succeed at different things, first of all. Men are better than women at some professions like firefighting, construction work, and physics. But women are better than men at some professions, too, like elementary teaching, prostitution, and giving birth. Who's to say which is more important?
Zach Braff / Actor
Men
Teaching
Thinking
Copy Quote
I like to drop in on people who picked on me in high school or whatever, just out of the blue, and chat with them to see how they think of me now that I'm a big star. Usually they're a lot nicer. After about half an hour, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and leave a few DVDs or pictures there. Then when I come out, I say good-bye and leave. Then I call the cops.
Zach Braff / Actor
School
Stars
Thinking
Copy Quote
I mean, I understand that Scrubs was my big break, but sooner or later you have to move on. I've already directed a movie, which received very good reviews, so it just seems much more important to me now. I feel that in order to better foster my creativity as an actor and director at this point, I need to be surrounded by other talented, artistic individuals, instead of just goofy comedians.
Zach Braff / Actor
Creativity
Mean
Moving
Copy Quote
I know that [Mike] Tyson talked about wanting to eat his opponent's children, but I don't think he ever had the balls to do it. I'm different - when I kidnapped Bill Lawrence's daughter, I cut off all of her fingers before sending my demands so that I wouldn't have to sit there and wait for him to ignore them. We worked things about about nine hours in, which is good because I ate her thumb as a midnight snack.
Zach Braff / Actor
Daughter
Children
Cutting
Copy Quote
I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.
Zach Braff / Actor
Mom
Regret
Stupid
Copy Quote
Well, I've thought about donating, but they get so many damn donations already. I read about one foundation that raised over 100 million dollars. Well where the hell did that go? For all I know every starving child has a 2 story house by now. Or maybe they're all raging alcoholics, like homeless people. Homeless people who are more effective when it comes to raising money. Who wants to support alcoholic children? Not me.
Zach Braff / Actor
Children
House
People
Copy Quote
I'm really not one to brag, but I think my job is one of the most important things someone can do with their life. I mean, it really gives people a chance to live outside their means through someone else's vision. And I think that's something really great that I can give back to the community. Sure I could be a doctor or a lawyer, but do they really help anyone? Sure you can save someone's life, but can you really change it for the better? I'm not saying their jobs aren't important, just not as important as mine.
Zach Braff / Actor
Jobs
Mean
Thinking
Copy Quote
First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was addicted to crack, so of course she did it. It was so gross, though, it made her throw up, so I said I'd pay her another thousand to lick all that up, too. She started to, but for some reason she started crying as she was doing it, saying, 'I went to college! I have a degree!' Oh man, it was hilarious. I don't know if it was technically sex because I just beat off on her face, but definitely one of my most intense orgasms.
Zach Braff / Actor
Men
College
Sex
Copy Quote
I mean, I understand that because they're disadvantaged that they deserve their own parking spots, but do they have to make them so wide? I never understood how these people were allowed to drive cars but they get these really neat chairs with wheels and they're still not happy, so instead of parking their wheelchairs in the designated spots, they upstage us normal people and get the best parking spots with vehicles that are clearly too sophisticated for them to be handling. Still, you should smile at a cripple, because it's the only bit of happiness they'll ever have.
Zach Braff / Actor
Car
Mean
People
Copy Quote

Related Actor Authors

Will Rogers
Actor
Tuesday, Nov 04, 1879
Thursday, Aug 15, 1935
Zion Lee
Actor
Zero Mostel
Actor
Sunday, Feb 28, 1915
Thursday, Sep 08, 1977
Zak Orth
Actor
Thursday, Oct 15, 1970
Zachery Ty Bryan
Actor
Friday, Oct 09, 1981
Zachary Scott
Actor
Saturday, Feb 21, 1914
Sunday, Oct 03, 1965
Zachary Quinto
Actor
Thursday, Jun 02, 1977
Zachary Levi
Actor
Monday, Sep 29, 1980
Zachary Knighton
Actor
Wednesday, Oct 25, 1978
Zach Woods
Actor
Tuesday, Sep 25, 1984
Zach Gilford
Actor
Thursday, Jan 14, 1982
Zach Braff
Actor
Sunday, Apr 06, 1975
Zac Efron
Actor
Sunday, Oct 18, 1987
Yves Montand
Actor
Thursday, Oct 13, 1921
Saturday, Nov 09, 1991
Yul Vazquez
Actor
Thursday, Mar 18, 1965

View All Actor Quotes

Top Authors

Pope Francis
Thursday, Dec 17, 1936
Ronald Reagan
40Th US President
Monday, Feb 06, 1911
Saturday, Jun 05, 2004
William Blake
Poet
Monday, Nov 28, 1757
Sunday, Aug 12, 1827
Dwight D. Eisenhower
34Th U.s. President
Tuesday, Oct 14, 1890
Friday, Mar 28, 1969
Barack Obama
44Th U.s. President
Friday, Aug 04, 1961
Oprah Winfrey
Media Proprietor
Friday, Jan 29, 1954
Stephen Hawking
Physicist
Thursday, Jan 08, 1942
Aristotle
Philosopher
Thursday, Jan 01, 1970
Thursday, Jan 01, 1970
Zig Ziglar
Author
Saturday, Nov 06, 1926
Wednesday, Nov 28, 2012
Robert Frost
Poet
Thursday, Mar 26, 1874
Tuesday, Jan 29, 1963
Alfred Lord Tennyson
Poet
Saturday, Aug 05, 1809
Thursday, Oct 06, 1892
Muhammad Ali
Professional Boxer
Saturday, Jan 17, 1942
Friday, Jun 03, 2016
Stephen Covey
Author
Monday, Oct 24, 1932
Monday, Jul 16, 2012
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Writer
Thursday, Aug 28, 1749
Thursday, Mar 22, 1832
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Associate Justice Of The Supreme Court Of The United States
Wednesday, Mar 15, 1933

View All Authors

Zach Braff Quotes - Page 7

App & Tools

Related Actor Authors

Popular Topic Tags

Top Authors

Share This Page

Stay Connected

App & Tools

Related Actor Authors

Popular Topic Tags

Top Authors

Share This Page