“ Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows. Al Unser Race Car Driver
“ Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive. Rodney Dangerfield Comedian
“ All things being equal, people will do business with a friend; all things being unequal, people will still do business with a friend. Mark Mccormack Lawyer
“ North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand? Bobby Heenan Professional Wrestling Manager
“ We had times in '66 and '67 when we would pick up a platoon of privates out of the receiving barracks the week before we even graduated the platoon that we were on! R. Lee Ermey Actor
“ When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me. George Carlin Comedian