I'm filthy rich!

I can handle pain.

I grew up cursing a lot.

Girls are soft and pretty.

My hobbies are run-on sentences.

It's nice when little teams win.

How do I speak Spanish? Not too well.

I don't know what drives me to succeed.

I've always wanted to do a family movie.

I know I want to always do the best I can.

I like sitting and writing with my buddies.

I read to my kid, but I can't stand reading.

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?

I'm filthy rich! It's good to be Adam Sandler!

Wasted is when you have a hankering for ice cream.

Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.

I shouldn't be near Vegas and have money in my pocket.

I can't run a company... I can't even run my own life!

My father used to wear the same pants for like a week.

I'll continue to make the typical Adam Sandler comedies.

My sisters are stronger and my brother's bigger than me.

Sometimes you can't prioritise family and you feel guilty.

On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah, drink your gin and tonica.

When I take my kid to school, all the parents stop and stare.

I don't want my kid to hear any of the albums that I've made.

It's important I surround myself with people who make me happy.

I still get very scared when I step in front of a live audience.

Eat turkey all night long, 50 million Elvis fans can't be wrong.

I still like some of the stuff, skateboarding. Just stupid things.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

In high school I wanted to be a rock star and was in a lot of bands.

I grew up cursing a lot. It felt natural. My parents told me to stop.

I was raised by a mother who told me I was great every day of my life.

Comedy, such a lovely lady, she'll pick you up, you your feeling blue.

I don't want to run around with new people. I feel safer with my friends.

Well, we're living in a material world, and I'm a material girl... or boy.

Now that I'm a parent, I understand why my father was in a bad mood a lot.

I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine.

Put on your yarmulkahHere comes HannukahSo much funnukahTo celebrate Hannukah

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

I've always had lots of friends and my house was the house they all hung out at.

My comedy is different every time I do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I wanted to make sure that I did one movie in my career that mothers hug me for.

Wrap the turkey up In aluminum foil My brother likes to masturbate With baby oil.

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

I go to sleep thinking about my kids being spoiled and I wake up thinking about it.

I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

My intention is never to hurt anybody. I'm happy when people are having a good time.

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