Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Lots of travel, away from home.
It gave dirty politics a bad name.
I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
Please don't stand up on my account.
Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
Your ignorance cramps my conversation
I can still chase women, only downhill
Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
I have too much money invested in sweaters.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
When you get over 95, every day is your day.
I felt I wasn't getting anywhere in England.
Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.
Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.
I can't give up Golf, I've got too many sweaters.
Television. That's where movies go when they die.
If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
Television is the box they buried entertainment in.
If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.
He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
Don't tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole.
It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.
Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.
Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless.
They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood.
Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.
Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?
You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
I'm from Los Angeles... I don't trust any air I can't see.
If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.
That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.
I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.
If they liked you, they didn't applaud -- they let you live.
You know what a fan letter is - it's just an inky raspberry.
Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I've never heard of a clean one.
Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.
For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green