Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture.
I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.
You don't hear Metallica complaining about Pearl Jam.
Juvenile stuff has always made me laugh. It's what I know.
Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.
Turns out, theres not a lot of information about pickles on the Internet.
I tried playing the drums, and I could play 'Boys Don't Cry' by The Cure.
Turns out, there's not a lot of information about pickles on the Internet.
We had our family tree done... turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.
Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.
Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.
Guys don't do that when they go out. Guys don't wear outfits that feature the dong.
I think too much during my day-to-day life; I'm the guy who worries about everything.
I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.
I just felt like I'd rather listen to even the worst metal song more than most current pop music.
I've played D&D for years. I'm a comic book guy. Comic-Con in San Diego is nerd Christmas for me.
There's a roller derby girl that goes by that name, 'Nerd Rage,' and she named herself after my album.
I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.
I've always been really good at staying busy. Even while I'm working, I'm looking at what the next thing is.
I feel very lucky that I've been able to carve out any niche at all in this business. It's so hard to get into.
I try to hit all the places Guy Fieri visits in every city I go to. It's, like, something a 60-year-old would do.
I've written for the last 15 years on TV shows, but now I'm doing the new Charlie Sheen program, 'Anger Management.'
My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.
I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.
In D&D, I love playing the first guy through the door - the guy with the battle-axe. 'Where are the bad guys? Just point me at 'em!'
One thing about writing 'The Sarah Silverman Program' was the concern that I don't give myself the best story, you know what I mean?
Metal is easily my favorite thing - Exodus and Anthrax and Megadeth - so it just kind of organically came through in the standup act.
Nerd rage to me is kind of just empty rage. I mean, ultimately, you're not going to do it; you're not going to fight somebody, you know.
I wanted to be a vet before I got into comedy, but then once I found out how much gore goes into that job, I wanted nothing to do with it.
I was just surprised when my wife told me we were having a baby. I was like, Wow, that's awesome. You're going to make a great single mom.
I got into Kiss before I got into anybody. The first thing I heard was Detroit Rock City. I heard it in the school library, where I lived.
I got into Kiss before I got into anybody. The first thing I heard was 'Detroit Rock City.' I heard it in the school library, where I lived.
A lot of the traditional sitcom stuff I did - I think I could have gone that route when I was younger as a staff writer, and I just didn't want to.
Just got a new car - got a little Miata convertible. Pretty happy about it, except for one thing: I'm 6-foot-6, so now I look like a McDonald's toy.
If I see a beautiful woman walking down the street, a pretty lady, I'll yell, 'Homo!' She can't get pissed, and I still get the pleasure of yelling at her.
I was such a weird kid. The really hardcore stuff like Venom - I was totally aware of them, and I listened to some of it - but they actually frightened me.
I definitely talk about my love of metal to audiences, and I sort of realized it was always natural and never, 'Well, I'm going to be the heavy-metal comedian.'
I didn't want to write sketch comedy after 'Mr. Show.' I felt like, after 'Mr. Show', why would you want to go work at any of the other places that existed then?
It's weird, but Scion is kind of cool. I couldn't drive one because I'd look like one of those McDonald's Happy Meal toys with giant heads sticking out the window.
I love writing. It's one of my favorite jobs. Of the things I get to do, I love sitting in a room and coming up with ideas, and I love going home and pounding them out.
I don't know if I was a poseur - I really did love metal, always - but I gave a lot of other things a chance. I wanted to meet, um, girls, so I would check out 'Depeche Mode.'
I used to own a stuffed piranha, but I haven't seen it in years. I don't even know what happened to it. Maybe my wife didn't want it to make the move from the last house to this one.
I'm very excited that my yelling will be featured on the next Evile disc; they're one of my favorite new-ish bands and, in my not-so-humble opinion, the British saviors of thrash metal.
Always been a big heavy metal fan. I remember being 15 saying, Dude I'm going to love heavy metal forever. Heavy metal til I'm 60. I'm 35 now. I think I'm going to give it one more year.
I love metal songs about metal. That's one of my favorite things. Nobody does that any more. Nobody sings about how metal they are, or about their fans, or about how crazy their pits are.
I've been trying to quit smoking weed and it's really hard quitting pot. It was actually easier to become a vegetarian because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef.
I love to visit the comic shops, and I don't want to call myself a 'foodie,' because that word is just stupid, but I love diner food, and I'm a hardcore fan of 'Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.'
What I think makes people nerds is just being obsessive. I think that's what nerdiness really is - its people who don't just passively like something, they get passionate about whatever they like.
I used to see my friend Harland Williams in a lot of auditions. Then you'd see one of the DeLuise kids because they're kind of heavy and character-y. You'd just see a lot of the same guys over the years.
Once I could drive, I spent all my time in the city going to metal shows. I missed the first couple of Metallica shows because I was lame. By the time I got into them, they were playing places like the Kabuki.