There's no male Oprah.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

I actually like talking.

Sin is in, and so we begin.

Hockey's my favorite sport.

I'm a huge Kevin Youkilis fan.

Firefighters don't go on strike.

I can't text. My fingers are too big.

I wanted a more female point of view.

If you had no enemies, you had no fun.

I think all priests should be married.

Don't buy the toys that make the noise!

I love French stuff. Mmmm, french fries.

Everyone should have an evil secret plan.

We drink and we die and continue to drink.

I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God.

My brother and I tortured my mother growing up.

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy.

Willem Dafoe and I are actually the same person.

I'm still pretty self-centered, greedy and angry.

I've eaten things that didn't complain this much.

Wolfhounds helped kill off the wolves in Ireland.

I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!

I'm a lapsed Catholic in the best sense of the word.

I have a lot of conservative views on a lot of things.

I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nurture.

What's politically correct a lot of times is not funny.

Doing the same character over and over, it gets boring.

Every actor thinks he can do comedy, and it's not true.

I'm the Lord of the Dance! F-k Michael Flatley, it's me!

Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used.

I'm not really a Spider-Man fan. I'm more of a Batman guy.

Worrying about tomorrow is the best way to screw up today.

Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.

There's not going to be a 'Rescue Me' movie. Not a chance.

When I'm on stage, that's me. It's blown up, but that's me.

The filter's the best part. That's where they put the heroin.

I believe in prescription drugs. I believe in feeling better.

Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself.

Science fiction was never my thing. I have no interest in it.

I really like 'Batman.' Not the TV show, but the dark 'Batman.'

Marriage is like a dull meal with the dessert at the beginning.

I don't watch 'American Idol.' I don't watch any of that stuff.

What I've learned is that life is too short and movies are too long.

How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean.

I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen.

I studied acting in school and then of course couldn't get an acting job.

I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album.

You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.

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