Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.
I rant, therefore I am
I rant, therefore I am.
I'd rather be funny than wise.
I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian.
Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.
Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.
That receiver was as wide open as Annabel Chong.
Never have lives less lived been more chronicled.
Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.
Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.
It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.
Branson, Missouri, is Vegas for people with no teeth.
Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
I went to the UN and even the guidebook was spineless.
Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.
Obama better hope a kicked ass is covered by Obamacare.
Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?
Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?
Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.
But the biggest fake of the year, Paul Begala's last smile
Detroit's so bad this year they might lose their bye week.
The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.
I've seen better coverage at an Alan Keyes press conference.
I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time.
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.
Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!
The American auto industry is blowing up like a 1976 Ford Pinto.
Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.
Some people like M&Ms plain, and some people like them with nuts.
You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.
I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless.
How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?
Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.
Ah, Feminism in the nineties, what a What is yours what is mine field.
He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.
Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today?
The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.
That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.
Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.
If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion
Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator
If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.
Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.
Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal.
