Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I feel non-stop Brit shame!
I would hate to meet myself at 15.
By any rational metric, I am boring.
Americans just don't understand dry wit.
I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.
You don't need people's opinion on a fact.
A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
There is no greater anesthetic than sport.
I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.
People are friendlier in New York than London.
I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.
I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.
Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.
Politics has become infused with narcissism in America.
It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.
There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers.
The disconnect between America and its military is shocking.
I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.
I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.
We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.
If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring.
Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.
British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death.
News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead.
I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.
There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well.
Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.
People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.
It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.
I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.
If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight.
Do you know how hard it is to kill 30 million people? It's a logistical nightmare.
You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.
I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it.
Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts.
If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.
I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live.
I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.
I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.
Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.
I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.