Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I don't live in a fancy neighborhood.
I sort of have to self-censor sometimes.
I'm an extra dark black belt in ping pong.
I like hanging out at non-showbizzy places.
I am the greatest marital artist in the world.
I never really planned on doing a television series.
As a comedian, I think you need to keep things real.
Tina Fey is really cool. She's so mellow and laid back.
Soccer and ping-pong are my two favorite sports to play.
Paul Verhoeven might be my favorite director, and I'm serious.
My act's not heavy on pop culture or stories, just lots of jokes.
There's a lot of thought that goes into every single thing I wear.
I'm actually banned from the Himalayas, because I'm too good at yoga.
Math and reading are my only weaknesses - other than that, Im perfect.
Math and reading are my only weaknesses - other than that, I'm perfect.
I'm a big Pacino fan. He's a great actor: so much passion and intensity.
I actually went to film school, but I didnt like it. Im basically self-taught.
I never got into things to be famous. Sometimes its fun, sometimes its annoying.
I actually went to film school, but I didn't like it. I'm basically self-taught.
I do uphill skiing; I don't do downhill skiing. I think that's for nerd amateurs.
I never got into things to be famous. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's annoying.
I'd like to work with John Waters. I grew up in Maryland, so I'm a huge Waters fan.
I don't consider lacrosse a sport. To me that's just a frat activity that got out of hand.
Valentine's Day is definitely one of those days where it's either awesome or it's a downer.
Stand-up is kind of like my home base, and doing stand-up in New York is what I like doing most.
In Manhattan, I often do two or three or more shows a night, so I'm always working on new material.
Sometimes '30 Rock' was a struggle because I'd be doing the show and still be doing stand-up full-time.
It wasn't like I just woke up and said, 'Here's my gimmick; I'll wear a hat and put something weird on it.'
I became a wrestling fan in college. So, I was more of a wrestling fan as an adult than when I was a little kid.
As the World Champion, every day is pretty much like Valentine's Day for me - as far as hooking up with the ladies.
You jump on a bike and start peddling. You fall down and you get up again. I've always been a 'learn by doing' kind of guy.
Stand-up comedy is the most relaxing thing I do. If I want to unwind and de-stress, I go out and do stand-up, often several shows in a night.
If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you are confident you are funny.
Let's say there was a fat guy heckling me. I would rip him to shreds, but I would never go for the obvious, never talk about how he's fat or anything.
I think I've proven with my career that I can play a wide variety of characters. Yet, I still get typecast as the crazy slob guy. That's how it always works.
I watch a movie or a T.V. show or whatever; if it's good, I like to watch it more than once, and it's always fun to catch something you didn't see initially.
I've been doing stand-up just about every night since I started in 1989. It's my home base. But I'm into doing comedy in all mediums, platforms and situations.
I'm a massive Steven Seagal fan. I know his movies are horrible, but I've watched all of them over and over again. I'd want to do a movie with him and Van Damme.
I need to get a wife. But it's hard, you know, it's hard to find a girl you can trust. Some of these girls, they want to go out with you so they can blog about you.
My shirt and my hat always say 'World Champion' in some language. English, Spanish, Chinese, 'Star Wars' language, which is also known as Aurebesh, mermaid language.
When I'm not filming anything or on the road doing stand-up, I'm usually doing stand-up shows every night - usually a few shows a night at different clubs in the city.
I think some people's comedy IQ's aren't as high as other people's, so they don't really know what's going on. Or they think they know what's going on, but they don't really.
You can literally walk into my apartment and sit on a hat; you can step on a hat; you can probably open up the refrigerator and find a hat tucked under some rotten food. I have a lot of hats.
I had one girl send me an e-mail saying she wants to go out with me, but it's like a two-pronged deal because she wants to blog the date. And I'm like, No! I don't want to be on a reality show.
I had not met Tina Fey before I auditioned for 30 Rock. Some people think were old friends from Second City days. I had always been a fan of Tinas. But I actually never planned on being in a sitcom.
I had not met Tina Fey before I auditioned for '30 Rock'. Some people think we're old friends from 'Second City' days. I had always been a fan of Tina's. But I actually never planned on being in a sitcom.
I started doing my own animated movies when I was in ninth grade; that's when I got the filmmaking bug. When I was about 16, I started writing jokes for doing stand up, and then I was 19 and started doing stand up.
I've done all kinds of movies, but I wanna do some more independent films that are not your run-of-the-mill type movies like 'American Splendor', which I had a big part in, that are really trying to do something unique.
I'm a massive Steven Seagal fan. I know his movies are horrible, but I've watched all of them over and over again. I'd want to do a movie with him and Van Damme. I think they are afraid of me - that's why I haven't worked with them yet. Well, I know that's the reason.
I've been driving in the city for years because, as a stand-up in N.Y.C., you can perform at more comedy clubs a night if you have a car. Getting from club to club by subway is too slow at night and too expensive by cab. So, many comics live far out from Manhattan and drive in every night.