Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I was seen as a little weirdo. But I was certain I wasn't a weirdo. I knew who the weirdos were, and it wasn't me!
My life is so much better with lupus because I know that stress and too much junk food will literally put me in hospital.
I'm not a Rachel Dolezal. I don't fake tan; I don't have the cornrows, I don't misappropriate. I just want to be Beyonce.
I always tried to fit in, so I was a cheerleader with the orange skin and white-blonde hair, and Hooters was part of that.
People who like my stuff and know what my agenda is have never mistaken me for being racist or poking fun at the wrong thing.
Stand-up comedy is not a man's job. It's an alpha job: To be the only person in a room with a microphone who's allowed to talk.
I was a product of the society that said women are for decoration, and I do think girls should be able to do whatever they want.
I love paying people to touch me. Nail techs, hair stylists, dermatologists, make-up artists, osteopaths: you name it, I love it.
I didn't really realise that I was going to have more obstacles because I was a woman. It was never something that I thought about.
I love Britain. I'm an Irish citizen, but I was born in Canada, and I'm a British comedian, really. My entire career has been over here.
I'm a flirt by nature, and I like flirting with that line of what's passable and what's not, and I genuinely don't believe that I cross it.
I thank God every day that there was no YouTube or Twitter when I was a teenager. I would have had a channel, and it would have been mortifying.
Why would you watch an Oscar-nominated film unless you're mad enough to purposely experience feelings? Bleh. I'm not interested in catching those.
I guess I talk about her because I'm interested; I'm listening. Taylor Swift's words are so valuable to so many young people, not just her #GirlSquad.
I've always been attracted to comedy that was really close to the line and made people a little uncomfortable, because that's where progress comes from.
I feel like my comedy voice is to take the news and everything that's happening and put a funny spin on it or to pick out the things I find funny about it.
I wanted to be liked when I was younger, which I think a lot of us do; I'm not ashamed to say it. I was a product of my environment, a product of my culture.
The beautiful thing about comedy in the U.K. is that it has a clever twist to it, and when you really break it down, the joke isn't filthy at all: it's clever.
I have huge admiration for Taylor Swift. She's tall, talented, young, thin, and beautiful. More importantly, she seems focused, generous, vulnerable, and kind.
I have a really different touring life to most comedians because I go home every night to do the school run in the morning. So I'm not in hotels or living it up.
I was lucky to develop in the U.K. because I find comedy - in addition to being caustic - it's quite literary over here, and alternative comedy isn't so alternative.
Anything that I'm passionate about and surprises me usually ends up turning into a joke simply because I have questions about it and I'm curious and I want to talk about it.
I know a lot about systemic lupus erythematosus because I have it, too. I was diagnosed through the NHS when I first moved to England in 2008 following months of serious illness.
I think commitment is inextricably linked with success, and rightly or wrongly, people with a fierce commitment to their goals - the Kanyes of this world - are really entertaining.
When I think about women of color and their place politically in the world and culture... they've had two layers of just garbage to overcome. To me, a black woman is a woman-woman.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to look and feel like a grown woman when I was young. That's one reason why it's important to hold adults who take advantage of that fully accountable.
I'm not interested in younger men for the same reason most women aren't interested in younger men; I don't have time to make an extra packed lunch every morning. Please. I'm busy enough already.
I wasn't properly performing in Canada. I was just starting out, and when everyone starts out, they're terrible. I'm sure there are some Kellyanne Conway videos of me just really dying on a stage.
If I'm in the position where I get to hire someone, where I get to decide who joins me on tour, then I am mindful about that, and I try to suggest women that I know who I think deserve more exposure.
I had white hair when I was 19. I think bleach can be addictive, and before long, you've gone too far with it and can't tell you've got a problem. It was over-processed and genuinely crispy, but I thought I looked amazing.
My mother was a businesswoman; my grandmother was a businesswoman - it never occurred to me that life might be harder because you're a woman. It wasn't until later and I had a bigger sense of the world that I realised that.
Part of me has always wanted to be like Marilyn Monroe or any Fifties Hollywood starlet. On screen, they seemed so sexy and simple and looked after. In real life, I'm none of those things. But I'd rather be fierce and complicated.
I was born with the confidence of an 89-year-old man. So it's strange when people ask, 'What's it like being a female comedian?' It never occurred to me that I'd be limited as a woman - that I couldn't be a scientist, a doctor, or anything I wanted.
I was really lucky to have been raised in this really powerful matriarchy where my dad was around, but I was with my mom and my grandma most of the time. They were heavy influences on me. My mother has a career in technology; my grandma sold real estate.
I started doing little amateur nights at the comedy club that was right next to the restaurant that I waitressed in when I was in university. I was probably 22 years old. I didn't do it with any intention of making a career out of it; I had just always valued comedy.
Regressing back to an infant state is nothing to be proud of. Rich Americans don't drive themselves, don't cook, don't do their own nails/hair/make-up, don't shop, and I suppose all they've got in common with rich British people is that they don't raise their own kids, either.
I try not to focus on politics too much - I would never be described as a hugely political woman - but the fact of the matter is, just me being a female, immigrant, stand-up comedian, single-mother ... that is political. We still live in a world where a woman with a voice is a political gesture.
When you stand out in a small town or at work,or in your peer group, whatever it is, it feels really awful. Certainly, when you're growing up, you want to be normal. You just want to fit in. Then you realize that maybe fitting in is, in some respects, quite ordinary. I think it's good to put a positive spin on being slightly unique.
I really loved making my mom laugh, and I knew that she thought that I was funny. It was really valuable, in my home growing up, to be able to have a chat and participate in a conversation and be funny. Whatever I could do to make my mom laugh could either get me out of trouble or just get me more attention or get me respect in the house.
Every time a journalist will say: "Can women be funny? Can women be pilots? Can women be scientists?" It's less of a question and more of a statement after a while that makes you believe that maybe we can't. I think that's dangerous. I was really happy that I didn't have those barriers, but now I recognize the barriers of many other people.
I do meet people from my act from time to time, They give me a little flicker of worry - 'Have I been unfair?' But I'm usually talking about a greater narrative or a scene. I'm not just destroying them personally, The Cheryl Cole bit isn't about Cheryl Cole so much as our tendency as a celebrity-consuming culture to put people on a pedestal just for what they look like. It's about us and how quickly we shift in terms of approval or disapproval.