Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Life is a four-letter word.
Satire is tragedy plus time.
I want to perform an unnatural act.
I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.
There are never enough I Love You's.
Sex and obscenity are not synonymous.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
Communism is like one big phone company.
I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.
Communism is just one big telephone company.
Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.
What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.
I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.
All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.
When you're eight years old nothing is your business.
I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce.
In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business.
If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish
I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it.
Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.
There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
Once you sleep on feathers you can't go back to sleeping on the floor.
You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.
The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.
If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.
I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.
If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.
It's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness.
If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!
What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh - comedy as electro shock therapy.
Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.
If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career.
You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.
If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was.
I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.
The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.
There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.
Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her.