Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Your God is the best God. In fact, he's the only God. All other Gods are ridiculous, made up rubbish. Not yours though. Yours is real.
Telling someone with depression to pull themselves together is about as useful as telling someone with cancer to just stop having cancer
I think the job of a comedian is to make people laugh, but also challenge them to laugh at things they didn't know they could until now.
Celebrities, make it harder for hackers to get nude pics of you from your computer by not putting nude pics of yourself on the computer.
I went to university with no money. I can't understand a society that wouldn't give a poor person the same opportunity as a rich person.
Whether you understand they evolved over billions of years or believe that a God made them all one afternoon, please be kind to animals.
I've never been insulted by hateful satanists for not believing in their devil. Only by loving Christians for not believing in their God.
You are the result of billions of years of evolution. You will only live for a few years and will never exist again. Absolutely beautiful
We shouldn't even need the word 'atheism'. If people didn't invent ridiculous imaginary gods, rational people wouldn't have to deny them.
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
That’s the other thing I learned that day, that the truth, however shocking or uncomfortable, in the end leads to liberation and dignity.
I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn't believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.
If all the Atheists & Agnostics left America, they'd lose 93% of The National Academy of Sciences & less than 1% of the prison population.
It’s a strange myth that atheists have nothing to live for. It’s the opposite. We have nothing to die for. We have everything to live for.
I'm a militant fundamentalist atheist. I'm going to get on a crowded train, unbutton my coat and say rational things. People will be hurt.
Dear Religion, This week I safely dropped a man from space while you shot a child in the head for wanting to go to school. Yours, Science.
Fact is stranger than fiction. You see people walking down the street that would never be allowed on television. You have to tone it down.
Animals are not here for us to do as we please with. We are not their superiors, we are their equals. We are their family. Be kind to them.
Since there is absolutely no logical reason to assume there is an afterlife, I decided to make the life I have now as much fun as possible.
Atheism is the lack of belief in a god (or gods). It makes no claim. It merely rejects the claim that a god (or gods) exists. Nothing more.
I know how much embarrassment hurts, and I love it as a theme because you can keep digging a hole. It's just an endless well, embarrassment.
I love how people walk around with crucifixes, skullcaps, pointy hats, funny beards and then say 'you should keep your atheism to yourself.'
Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right. Some people are offended by mixed marriage, gay people, atheism. So what? F*** 'em.
That's the buzz for me, the creative process. An idea is never as good as when it's in your head. And then it's just how little you ruin it.
You try to make characters you care about, and I think realism helps. Even though this is a high concept, the characters have got to be real.
I like the ironic pomposity of a stand-up comedian. Like all those comedians thinking they can bring down Coca-Cola. They forget to be funny.
The best way to avoid criticism is never do anything ever. Or, do what you love, have a great life & let others spend their time criticising.
Same sex marriage isn't gay privilege, it's equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don't.
It's quite easy to make a load of people laugh, it's often a reflex action, but I think to make them cry is harder without manipulating them.
I use people's real voices because I want realism. So often I mention the actors' physicality because I want it to be like a real documentary.
I remember the first check I got for 'The Office,' and it made me feel sad. It ruined it. ... Because there was sort of a nobility in poverty.
I've never done anything for the common consensus. I do things to please me. If you are happy with something yourself, you become bulletproof.
I think sometimes you get given a good pile of goodwill, and it's whether you use it up in the first six months or spread it out over a career.
I see my real job now as - never mind 'The Office,' 'Extras,' film career, Emmys - I want everyone in the world to know who Karl Pilkington is.
My ideal meal would probably be the cheesiest pasta or pizza, followed by something creamy and chocolaty. I mean, just the worst things, really.
I think comedy has to be an intellectual pursuit. It comes down to logic and analysis. As soon as it becomes emotional, it's not comedy anymore.
I think Hollywood's gotten more reactionary and conservative over the years, because there's no longer art in Hollywood. Art suffers in Hollywood.
Most people sitting at home aren't cool, successful, witty Hollywood stars, but they all worry about what people think of them when they faux pas.
Karl Pilkington has the roundest head, I think, in the world. It's not technically a deformity, but I've never seen anything quite that spherical.
It's a privilege to be in such a great category of people and... I don't believe in God, so I'd like to thank dogs. Dogs have given me everything.
I think that's the fundamental thing - you can go anywhere you like as long as you're following a character that the audience likes and understands.
There's a difference between a job and a career - if you're the boss you don't stop at six o'clock, you have to worry about everything all the time.
You see reality TV and it's not reality TV. It's contrived and everything is plotted and scripted nearly. Documentaries are the same and just as bad.
I don't believe in ghosts or ESP or elves... or God. But I am spiritual in the sense that I get a lump in my throat when I listen to Vaughan Williams.
There's nothing as perfect as the initial idea. And the only reason I write and direct is to protect the writing, because that's what's most precious.
Fame is an upshot of what I do. If you're a successful comedian or actor, then you're a famous one. But it's not the driving force. It's a by-product.
Even on the stage, I've played a bit of a persona, and the persona I played was a much brasher, more arrogant, less aware, less educated version of me.
It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo. If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.
I am myself sometimes, and I do state my opinions, but not in a comedy routine and not in my character. There always has to be some sort of layer to it.
If you pay attention to good critics, you have to listen to the bad. So you have to ignore them all really. You can't just cherry pick the glowing ones.