Some things, the more you understand the more you loathe them.

A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.

You can't conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him.

Between being 'right' and being kind, I know which way I vote.

May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live.

Never own more than you can carry in both hands at a dead run.

If a thing's worth doing, it's worth overdoing. (Lazarus Long)

As it says in Bible, God fights on side of heaviest artillery.

Have you ever noticed how much they look like orchids? lovely!

A society that gets rid of all its troublemakers goes downhill.

When I don’t understand, I have an unbearable itch to know why.

Each man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life.

A generation which ignores history has no past — and no future.

Don't tell me violence doesn't solve anything. Look at Carthage.

It's amazing how much 'mature wisdom' resembles being too tired.

Money is a powerful aphrodisiac but flowers work almost as well.

A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.

Fulfillment in life is loving a good woman and killing a bad man.

Son, the phrase is self-contradictory; "sense" is never "common".

The only thing privacy laws accomplish is making the bugs smaller.

Cheops' Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things.

Another ingredient in a happy marriage: Budget the luxuries first!

People usually believe anything that they are told early and often.

No statement should be believed because it is made by an authority.

Once upon a time there was a Martian named Valentine Michael Smith.

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.

Self awareness is NOT just a bunch of amino acids bumping together.

If you wanted to teach a baby a lesson, would you cut its head off?

Happiness consists in getting enough sleep. Just that, nothing more.

Money problems can always be solved by a man not frightened by them.

Brainpower is the scarcest commodity and the only one of real value.

He's as weird as snake's suspenders but sweet as a stolen kiss, too.

Never crowd youngsters about their private affairs - sex especially.

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.

Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.

It takes two to create a heaven, but hell can be accomplished by one.

A boy who gets a C- in 'Appreciation of Television' can't be all bad.

Whores perform the same function as priests, but far more thoroughly.

Anyone can see a forest fire. Skill lies in sniffing the first smoke.

Are you trying to tell all of us we have a bad signal-to-noise ratio?

I don't see how an article of clothing can be indecent. A person, yes.

Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.

The purpose of war is to support your government's decisions by force.

'Savage' describes a cultural condition, not a degree of intelligence.

How you behave toward cats here below determines your status in Heaven.

In a family argument, if it turns out you are right, apologize at once.

We learned not to waste ammo even on warriors except in self-protection

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