Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Today Obama was seen leaving the White House in a nurse's uniform on a flight to Cuba to smother Castro with a pillow.
I understand we're on our way to being a Third World country. Could we just stop at 'Second World' before we get there?
I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.
People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They're DEFINITELY GAY!!
Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
I do miss George Bush. Compared to these teabaggers and the people who are pandering to them, he looks like a professor.
There was one awkward moment where a black man stood-up to ask a question and out of habit, Bush said 'Clemency denied.'
Maybe a president who didn't believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
Gingrich is the "foremost intellectual" in the Republican party like Gene Simmons is the foremost intellectual in "Kiss".
If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
Laughter is sort of a natural truth detector. If you laugh at something, it's probably because there was some truth in it.
The difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is that the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality.
You know, the only place in America where the millionaires and billionaires are predominantly liberal is here in Hollywood.
Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'
Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we're someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don't call him stupid because they don't agree with you politically.
When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, 'I want to help you get teeth.' Why does that make me an a**hole?
I think Democrats are complacent. They think that Russia is going to save us. Bob Mueller is going to come in with a report.
A cult is a cult, and that's what a frat is. A place where they strip you of your personality and rebuild it in their image.
I don't dislike children, I just don't particularly want to be around with them a lot. Problem is, neither do their parents.
I couldn't run for any office. I think that religion is bad, weed is good, and babies are disgusting; who would vote for me?
This is why rational people - anti-religionists - must end their timidity and come out of their closet and assert themselves.
If the NRA keeps messing with the President's daughters, they're going to have to start worrying about Michelle Obama's guns.
Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
A new cologne is coming out. It's for cowboys, and it's made from cow's manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
You know, we do a lot of complaining here in America. And that itself is something they can't do in a lot of other countries.
What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a silver platter.
You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack of blunts.
I used to stay at the Trump [hotels] and I just wouldn't now. The people were great, but I wouldn't stay at a 'birther' hotel.
President Obama invited John McCain to the White House to give his opinion on Egypt, specifically what it's like to be a mummy.
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that's what happens when you mix New Testament and Old Milwaukee.
I'd just like to know what a cop WOULD have to do to get indicted - and what good are cop cameras since Eric Garner IS on tape?
The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.
The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs - another blonde airhead.
I want to see riots! I want to see the kind of riots where cab drivers are afraid to pick up white people! I want to see this guy!
Unemployment is down, confidence is up, DOW 5,000 above Bush - or as Republicans put it, let's talk about gay people and abortion!
Everybody has a magazine and a channel. There are 500 channels and 500 magazines, and we wonder why we're not united as a country.
There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don't get a vote.
All I did was tell the truth. That's is what the whole show is about! And if Politically Incorrect has to go down for it, so be it!
That's ended, that's over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I'm a show-business ho already, so I might as well be a real ho.
People say I'm into black women. Robert De Niro is into black women. I'm just into women who are real, and they happen to be black.
I love trains. It's the only way to travel anymore where it doesn't involve a TSA agent slowly tracing the curve of my inner thigh.
I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
I never, ever in my life tried to be outrageous. I've only ever tried to say what was truly on my mind and not pull punches about it.
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.
How can the Republicans get away with picking their Dennis Kucinich, but when - if the Democrats tried it, all hell would break lose?
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.