Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Let me play a Man in a scene.
What kind of FBI agent are you?
Give me liberty or a bran muffin!
Give me liberty! Or a bran muffin!
I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.
You don't sweat much for a fat girl.
Every song a hit, every hit a smack!
Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!
Why are there so many trees in the jungle?
The Hills are alive with the sound of CRAP!
It all started with a badly timed bald joke!
And if that isnt the truth, it would be a lie.
And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie.
For as long as I can remember, I've had memories.
What if hamsters fought in the American Revolution?
NASA sends probe to Uranus, people everywhere giggle.
This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.
Hey, come on, I've seen younger faces on money. Money.
I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.
I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.
If Sting retires, would he have to change his name to Stung?
We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.
After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty has a great fall.
Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?
My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!
Did you know that..........'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me
Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It's not like the sheep was underage.
Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.
I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.
As I get older, I'm trying to accept improvisation into my day-to-day living.
Hi, well soon return you to the dyslexic production of Bitty Bitty Chang Chang.
I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!
Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?
I have many favorite artists...Van Gough as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!
I believe it was Shakespeare who said, 'All the world's a stage, and you are CRAP!'
We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.
I have so many evil plans, I'm just trying to find the one which would be best right now!
I'm quite shy. Really. I'm trying to expand myself as a person more, get involved with people.
To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.
The American audiences are more vocal and enthusiastic. British audiences tend to sit back a little more.
Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.
Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!
My agent, Jeff Andrews, suggested I write a book. For some reason. he doesn't like it when I'm not doing anything.
The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make it. They gave me a thirst for revenge.
My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.
When you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling 'em up in a carpet and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead!
Comedy is such a personal thing. Everybody can cry at the same thing, but it's a lot harder to get everyone to laugh at the same thing.
The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people who threatened to sue if we used their songs.
You know, if I don't make it when I go out there in that weather balloon into that thunder storm. I want, you to take your ear and give it to my wife.