Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The customer’s always right.
We don't have to fix anything.
Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
Come on 'long prosperous life!'
Then let's print up some flyers!
Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?
Why are there no "during" pictures?
I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.
Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human.
A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo.
I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out.
Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.
A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
Well, that's a 'fresher'. I'm going on break.
Every picture of you is when you were younger.
I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.
My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.
No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones.
I got an ant farm; them fellas didn't grow sh*t.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.
I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.
Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great.
I have no problem not listening to the Temptations.
I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.
Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8?
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.
This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.
I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.
I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.