Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
The wicked at heart probably know something.
The only love that lasts is unrequited love.
I'm a creature of the New York City streets.
One man starving puts a crimp in my evening.
No Matter what you do there will be critics.
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
My Lord, my Lord! What hath Thou done lately?
I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.
Humorists always sit at the children's table.
I can't express anger. I grow a tumor instead.
Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know?
I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.
I don't get depressed; I grow a tumor instead.
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
History is the same thing over and over again.
There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
The best an idea gets is when its in your head.
... years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?
What' s the matter with me? Why can't I be cool?
. . . they confuse everything I do with my life.
You use sex to express every emotion except love.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.
I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
Sex on Twitter can't hurt you - unless you fall off.
I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
Usually, you hire people that you think are wonderful.
Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.
I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want