“ I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. Demetri Martin Comedian
“ There is nothing which at once affects a man so much and so little as his own death. Samuel Butler Author
“ When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. Erma Bombeck Column Author