Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
Management is nature's way of removing idiots from the productive flow.
My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.
I don't know how I'd be retired. I wake up every day with another idea.
Beware of those who try to sell you simple answers to complex questions.
I've always said that what cartoonists do is create friends for readers.
Why aren't you signed up for the 401K? I'd never be able to run that far.
I was kicked out of The Stars And Stripes twice, and finally got back in.
Everything you learn becomes a shortcut for understanding something else.
Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games.
Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn.
I'd like to do something impossible rather than just something historical.
And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.
Well, I am a lot like my dad, and the character of Ted is based on my dad.
People used to live lives of quiet desperation - now they go on talk shows!
My father was a dreamer who was always broke. He wanted to be a cartoonist.
People are going to behave however the social norms permit, and beyond that.
Milkmen seem so wholesome, and there's no way anybody can be that wholesome.
I don't want to wait more than a year and a half or two years between books.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.
I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change.
Rotten bosses don't get better. Any strategy that assumes they can is doomed.
A fool and his money are soon parted. It takes creative tax laws for the rest.
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.
When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car.
I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.
As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.
You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.
These censorship people think something is going to promote behavior in people.
I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.
I believe in facing reality. But only because I don't like turning my back on it.
We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
Professionals don't get writer's block. I can always come up with the punch line.
Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.
The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day
Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness.
The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it.
On the fourth day of telecommuting, I realized that clothes are totally unnecessary.
It's not that Good doesn't triumph over Evil, it's that the point spread is too small.
Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.
It is better for your career to do nothing, than to do something and attract criticism.
I like a happy ending. That's what I do all the time. I like to make people feel happy.
As a designer, I love to explore user edge cases and figure out what appear to be rules.
For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.