Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been.
Self-made men are most always apt to be a little too proud of the job.
Rumor is a vagrant without a home, and lives upon what it can pick up.
It ain't no disgrace for a man to fall, but to lie there and grunt is.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.
The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
Opinions should be formed with great caution, and changed with greater.
A learned fool is one who has read everything and simply remembered it.
Everybody in this world wants watching, but nobody more than ourselves.
Unless we put heart and soul into our labor we but brutify our actions.
Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do.
In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.
We may not always see eye to eye, but we can try to see heart to heart.
At the U.N., any nation that fights back is censored as an "aggressor."
People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.
I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.
A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.
There never was an age in which so many people were able to write badly.
The Land of Israel needs a People and the People of Israel needs a Land.
One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
It is a great art to be superior to others without letting them know it.
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
It is easier to be virtuous than it is to appear so, and it pays better.
He whom prosperity humbles, and adversity strengthens, is the true hero.
There is a significant Latin proverb; to wit: Who will guard the guards?
Most men would rather be charged with malice than with making a blunder.
It's not so hard to get rich as it is to know when you have gotten rich.
True valor is like honesty; it enters into all that a man sees and does.
A man cannot learn to be wise any more than he can learn to be handsome.
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
It strains a man's philosophy the worst kind to laugh when he gets beat.
Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.
Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish vampire movie.
The female of all species are most dangerous when they appear to retreat.
No Jew was ever fool enough to turn Christian unless he was a clever man.
Editors are constantly on the watch to discover new talents in old names.
Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.
A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.
Show me a thoroughly contented person, and I will show you a useless one.
I've never known an auctioneer to lie unless it was absolutely necessary.
If the world despises a hypocrite, what must they think of him in heaven?
You'd better not know so much, than to know so many things that ain't so.
Never lend money to a friend. It's dangerous. It could damage his memory.
A humorist has to be taken seriously before he's considered a real writer.
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'