Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors!
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.
I can now say without hesitation the Marine Corps was the best foster home I ever had.
I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.
Usually, if I think something is really funny, it doesn't get any reaction whatsoever.
Vibrations are the key to everything. Atoms used to be, but atoms have quite gone out.
To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.
There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.
When good-natured people leave us we look forward with extra pleasure to their return.
Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.
I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
It is not much trouble to doctor sick folks, but to doctor healthy ones is troublesome.
Theres not a lot of good humor in medicine, but theres a lot of medicine in good humor.
Poverty is one of them kind of misfortunes that we all of us dread but none of us pity.
And now the lads and lasses, following the example of the birds, bill and coo together.
Who said time machines haven't been built yet? They already exist. They're called books
Charlemagne either died or was born or did something with the Holy Roman Empire in 800.
Many a man spanks his children for things his own father should have spanked out of him.
Selfishness is the only real atheism; aspiration, unselfishness, the only real religion.
There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.
There is not a whole lot of fun in medicine but there is a whole lot of medicine in fun.
When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.
This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
Did you ever notice that when a politician does get an idea he usually gets it all wrong.
Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.
As a general rule, if you want to get at the truth - hear both sides and believe neither.
The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.
Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don't attempt to live in them.
If a man is right, he can't be too radical; if he is wrong, he can't be too conservative.
Most men had rather say a smart thing than do a good one. John P. Kotter, Leading Change.
It is easy to assume a habit; but when you try to cast it off, it will take skin and all.
Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.
You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.
The dubious privilege of a freelance writer is he’s given the freedom to starve anywhere.
People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.
The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.
There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening.
The art of newspaper paragraphing is to stroke a platitude until it purrs like an epigram.
It ain't what a man don't know that makes him a fool, but what he does know that ain't so.
I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
A witty writer is like a porcupine; his quill makes no distinction between friend and foe.
Thrice is he armed that hath his quarrel just, But four times he who gets his blow in fust
Breaking the ice in the pitcher seems to be a feature of the early lives of all great men.