Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Age is provident because the less future we have the more we fear it.
The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.
TAKE, v.t. To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.
To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.
To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
RASCALITY, n. Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect.
Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.
PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
recollect, v. To recall with additions something not previously known.
Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.
Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.
An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
REBEL, n. A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.
HASH: There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.
Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
Backbite: To ''speak of a man as you find him'' when he can't find you.
Behavior, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.
LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.
Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
Truth is so good a thing that falsehood can not afford to be without it.
Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.
Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.
ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.
Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war.
POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.
Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.
Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.