Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two.
IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
An archbishop is an ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.
The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
adherent, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
MARTYR, One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.
Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.
Nonsense, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.
When publicly censured our first instinct is to make everybody a codefendant.
PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Disobey n:To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command
PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.
MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.
Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.
Confidante: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
Glutton- A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.
A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.
Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.
Scribbler, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.
Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
Convictions are variable; to be always consistent is to be sometimes dishonest.
EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.
MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.
picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.
Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
prospect, n. An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden.
CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.
Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.
Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.
The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.
Even the laws of justice themselves cannot subsist without mixture of injustice.
Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors - to dislodge the worms.
Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.