Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.
DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.
GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.
VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.
LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.
While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
Happiness has not to all the same name: to Youth she is known as the Future; Age knows her as the Dream.
One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.
Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.
Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
plagiarism, n. A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence.
Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.
Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.
Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.
Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.
Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.
HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that - stone walls do not a prison make.
International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoldering one
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
DEGRADATION, n. One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment.
Book - Learning : The dunce's derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impertinent ignorance.
IMBECILITY, n. A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.
The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.
Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.
Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.
Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was poured on his lips to revive him.
Definition: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.
REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.
Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen.
Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.
Dictionary: a malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic
Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.
Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent.
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.