Hoboken is a neat place.

Read a lot. Write a lot. Have fun.

Chickens have an uncanny sense of direction.

All my books were easy to write - doesn't it show?

Today is the yesterday you won't remember tomorrow.

Writing and telling are almost the same, the way I do it.

Mr. Breton didn't know about location, location, location.

Werewolves are much more common animals than you might think.

Trust me, there is no formula for most things that are not math.

I sort of always like to write starting with when I learned how.

I went to college, but I learned to write by reading - and writing.

If the English had deep-dish pizza they could have kept their empire.

The old saw about old dogs and new tricks only applies to certain people.

I believe it is impossible to make sense of life in this world except through art.

My house is me and I am it. My house is where I like to be and it looks like all my dreams.

I've said this before, and I say it again. Bagels can be an enormous power for good or for evil. It is up to us to decide how we will use them.

Some women have said, 'Gee, here I am getting involved with this fat guy, what will people think of me?' But they were converted and sometimes surprised.

My parents believe in the principle of ‘sink or swim,’ or ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger ― or it kills you.” From “The Education of Robert Nifkin

It doesn't matter who you are, or what you've done, or think you can do. There's a confrontation with destiny awaiting you. Somewhere, there is a chile you cannot eat.

Well you know, it's true that as a fat person I run a greater risk of heart disease, diabetes, and a number of other things. But guess what? The amount of that risk is almost infinitessimal!

Looking back over my life so far I am able to remember specific days that were perfect. These tend to be days, and parts of days, in which nothing in particular happened, except that I was utterly happy.

I'd always liked to write, but I never wanted to be a writer, because it seemed a sissy occupation. It is. To this day, I find it terribly easy. And so, rather than trying to hunt up a text, I just wrote one.

The activities of these parasites and degenerates gave rise to Cubism, Fauvism, Futurism, Pointillism, Constructivism, Orphism, Surrealism, Dada, and also Impossibleism, Supersurrealism, Dynamic Double-Dog Realism, Ishkabibbleism, and Mama, which is like Dada only nicer.

I imagine a child. That child is me. I can reconstruct and vividly remember portions of my own childhood. I can see, taste, smell, feel, and hear them. Then what I do is, not write about that kid or about his world, but start to think of a book that would have pleased him.

Children make better readers than adults. They read as carefully as I write; adults read as a means of getting off to sleep. I get letters saying 'I have read your book seventeen times.' If you're an adult novelist and you get that letter, you should be afraid. You're being stalked. Kids always read them seventeen times!

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