I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

We can achieve what we can conceive and believe.

When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.

There is nothing so annoying as a good example!!

When congress is in session no American is safe.

The only certainties in life are death and taxes.

We are all ignorant; just about different things.

Humor is like a frog; if you dissect it, it dies.

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot

All men are ignorant, just on different subjects.

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.

It is human to exaggerate the merits of the dead.

Always obey your parents - when they are present.

If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!

It’s not the good that die young, it’s the lucky.

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare

Few of us stand prosperity; another man's I mean.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

Cherimoya, the most delicious fruit known to men.

Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection.

The catfish is Plenty good enough fish for anyone

If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.

Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.

None but the dead are permitted to tell the truth.

The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity.

I never let schooling interfere with my education.

A mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

All our acts, reasoned and unreasoned, are selfish

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

They did not know it was impossible so they did it

To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth.

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.

Nothing is made in vain, but the fly came near it.

The best of us would rather be popular than right.

There are no wild animals until man makes them so.

Make your mark in New York and you are a made man.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.

Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

As to the adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat.

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