Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.

I'm in favor of progress; it's change I don't like.

One compliment can keep me going for a whole month.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

If ignorance is bliss, why isn't the world happier?

What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth.

Time spent with your children is time wisely spent.

The person who has no opinion will seldom be wrong.

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

I don't want no better book than what your face is.

Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

I am losing enough sleep to supply a worn-out army.

...majority Patriotism is the customary Patriotism.

Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society.

....honest men are few when it comes to themselves.

Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.

Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.

Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it.

That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember.

Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.

More than one cigar at a time is excessive smoking.

It is a good and gentle religion, but inconvenient.

Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.

He liked to like people, therefore people liked him.

In German, a young lady has no sex, but a turnip has

You aim for the palace and get drowned in the sewer.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

I am content to be a bric-a-bracker and a Ceramiker.

Love your enemy, it will scare the hell out of them.

We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain.

If you tell the truth you do not need a good memory!

The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.

It is better to give than receive- especially advice.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

Every inventor is a crackpot until his idea succeeds.

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

If books are not good company, where shall I find it?

If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true.

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

No man is straitly honest to any but himself and God.

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