Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
If you ask most high schoolers who Bruce Lee is, they will say that it someone they sit next to in English class.
I'm used to really struggling and facing a hard time to get things going, until I'm comfortable at all with them.
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
Philosophy is an odd thing. When we use the word in everyday speech, you know, you sometimes hear it hilariously.
You can't just say there is a god because the world is beautiful. You have to account for bone cancer in children
I've never had any illusions about being a lead actor in films, because lead actors have to be of a certain kind.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Pinterest may have more travel intent data than any other site, so many people are pinning where they want to be.
I have come to the conclusion there is no point making anything if you're not going to make people laugh and cry.
The one thing that advances a society is not technology or so-called development; it's love - that one principle.
I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible... and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.
I fear debt. I don't like being indebted to banks. I have a rule in life that I will get it when I can afford it.
If you get a little gassy, you've got to let it go. So people used to say to me, 'You're like a whoopee cushion.'
I grew up in an entertainment family, and so I saw how susceptible you are to the ups and downs of this business.
If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.
I'm on a mission. If I can make even one person not enjoy something they're currently enjoying, it's all worth it!
I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.
It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.
I sometimes use a girl singer the way Henny Youngman uses his violin - as a bridge between one laugh and the next.
You have to go to Scotland at all times of the year - in order to appreciate the times when the sun does come out.
When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out.
Regardless of what is being discussed . . . the issue is never more important than the quality of the interaction.
I've about decided if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies.
Rock stars against drugs--that's what we want, isn't it? Government-approved rock-n-roll? Woo! We're partying now!
Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog to the roof of his car? Could it be because his station wagon was full of wives?
Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, 'What's a plan?'
It's all about surprising people, and you're not surprising people if you're making them laugh every five seconds.
To give you an idea of how fast we travelled - we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.
English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.
I'm completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.
People don't like the word 'feminism' - that's what needs to change, because we're not going to find another word.
That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!
I always thought marketing in general was an interesting kind of thing. I always liked commercials and billboards.
So I try not to look too far into the future because I think that everything happens and will happen for a reason.
If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?
Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.
It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.
Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
Don't think about anything for too long. Even if it's off-the-wall, go for it. You'll have a lot more fun in life.
I think that with podcasts, a lot of things are about fostering and having a direct connection with the community.
It seemed that my brother and I were always fighting in the back seat, and there was never any real reason for it.
My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.
If I wasn't acting or doing stand-up, I would be in animation. Or if I had the discipline I might studies physics.
I think being an outcast is what sort of strengthens the nerd movement, because you're isolated, so you have time.
I never like to think of any character as being over. I'm always thinking of different ways of bringing them back.
I would love to play a British character one day. My accent wavers between Scottish and Irish very easily, though.
Australia has a thing where apparently it's fine for me to dress up as an Asian woman. No one has questioned that.