John Kerry, windsurfing dilettante

I'm John Kerry, and I'm reporting for duty.

John Kerry's biography was central to his campaign.

John Kerry is a sphincter. Okay, that's a bit juvenile.

John Kerry's service did not end in Vietnam. It began there.

John Kerry couldn't even order a Philly cheesesteak properly.

John Kerry believes in an America where hard work is rewarded.

I have never seen John Kerry give anything but an engineered response.

John Kerry was always in front of the camera but not out doing the hard work.

Everybody who served in John Kerry's boat under his command save one has stood with him.

John Kerry, who says he doesn't like outsourcing, wants to outsource our national security.

When John Kerry and Zell Miller and George Bush can agree on an issue, you know it's got legs.

If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam - oh wait, he does.

John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?'

In 2004, I joined my father, John Kerry, on the trail in his bid for the United States presidency.

George Bush says what John Kerry did was noble. Yet he sees him being savaged by his own supporters.

You can't get much more liberal than John Kerry is. I mean, he's my candidate, but, I mean, come on.

Why couldn't Obama have picked somebody respectable as his running mate, you know, like John Kerry did?

...one is reminded that [John Kerry, D-MA] really just a better-looking Ted Kennedy, a richer Michael Dukakis.

John Kerry can be absolutely ruthless. I would not want to be on his enemies list when he's ready to go after you.

John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush stands for 'Wrong.' But he still can't explain what John Kerry stands for.

John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them.

I do think John Kerry has tried awfully hard to work with Russia and others to have a lasting, significant cease-fire.

Secretary [John] Kerry has called Civil War [in Syria] an unbelievably small war that we're going to get involved with.

John Kerry only went to prep schools because he had an aunt who had the money to pay for his way into those prep schools.

I saw some war heroes... John Kerry is not a war hero. He couldn't tie the shoes of some of the people in Coastal Division 11.

John Kerry didn't out me, nor did he offend or attack me by calling me a lesbian. I certainly couldn't be offended by the truth.

I think we need people with stronger ideals than John Kerry or Bill Clinton. I think we need people with more courage and vision.

Hillary Clinton and John Kerry have left the U.S. with better relations with Iran and Cuba and worse relations with allies like Israel.

I would never say John Kerry would be a great president. I will say that George Bush has divided us; he has filled this country with hatred.

Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.

My position is not that John Kerry is either Jesus Christ or the prophet Mohammad. My position is that John Kerry is the possibility of restarting politics.

Pictures can be devastating. Who allowed John Kerry to get himself photographed windsurfing in a flowered swimsuit? Anyone in the real world in that operation?

When I was wrong about the 2002 elections, I dumped a garbage can on my head. When my John Kerry prediction didn't pan out in 2004, I smashed an egg on my face.

You've got people who didn't serve with John Kerry saying they did serve with John Kerry in the boat. With George Bush, we can't find anybody who did serve with him.

Maybe John Kerry does not know - but I am happy to explain it to him - that my commitment to withdraw the troops goes back before the tragic, dramatic terrorist attack.

For more than 20 years, on every one of the great issues of freedom and security, John Kerry has been more wrong, more weak and more wobbly than any other national figure.

President George W. Bush won reelection in 2004 largely because he was seen as comfortable in his own skin, while rival John Kerry was viewed as a flip-flopping opportunist.

Although no one explicitly wants a president who could have a reliable fall back career in stand-up comedy, everyone shudders at the thought of a Rutherford B. Hayes or John Kerry.

I like John Kerry. I think he's intellectually curious and very thoughtful. I think he's deeply committed on issues like the environment. I think he's an internationalist, which I am.

If we do the work that we can do in this country, the work that we will do when John Kerry is President, people like Christopher Reeve will get up out of that wheelchair and walk again.

John Kerry had a very vivid imagination as a young person. I mean, he actually did go and take his bicycle from Norway to go camp in Sherwood Forest to be around the ghost of Robin Hood.

John Kerry wants to be the hero in his own drama. He likes King Arthur and the Round Table. He likes the young swashbuckling Churchill, and he loved the early antics of Theodore Roosevelt.

I think there's a green side to John Kerry, if you like, that he's an environmental activist. His record on the environment is as best as you have on a pro-environment record of anybody in the U.S. Senate.

John Kerry doesn't think in terms of black-and-white. He's all gray, and he looks at all sides of the issues. That makes people think he likes to be devil's advocate. Whatever you say, he'll challenge you on.

In 2004 I had the fortune - or the misfortune - of playing John Kerry. It was hard because I think the best impressions exaggerate someone's most well-known quality. And exaggerating gravitas is very hard to pull off.

I look at what the polls say about attributes. I noticed in 2004 that George W. Bush led John Kerry by double digits for eight straight months on the question of who is more likely to take a position and stick with it.

The tin man vs. the straw man. The candidate with a brain but without a heart against the president with a heart but without a brain. That's how many Latin Americans are viewing the race between John Kerry and George W. Bush.

I don't think that John Kerry is the Messiah or the Democratic Party is the answer, but I don't like the evangelical community blessing the Republican Party as some kind of God-ordained instrument for solving the world's problems.

You'd think experienced political professionals would know better than to place their trust in exit polls, notoriously inaccurate surveys that had John Kerry winning the 2004 election by five points when he actually lost by three.

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