Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
Hard work is for people short on talent.
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
An art thief is a man who takes pictures.
Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
Bullshit is truly the American soundtrack.
Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
It's never just a game when you're winning.
When will all the rhetorical questions end?
Christian Deodorant: "Thou Shalt Not Smell"
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
The future will soon be a thing of the past.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
We created god in our own image and likeness!
It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!
Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
I do something about the weather. I stay home.
Leadership camp? Isn't that where Hitler went?
Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wiseguy' opposites?
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
I'm kinda like herpes, I just keep coming back.
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
If voting changed anything, it would be illegal.
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
I don't think we really gave barbarism a fair try.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
You get to play with people's little danger zones.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Most people are not particularly good at anything.
Where does the dentist go when he leaves the room?
Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.