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Henry Cloud Quotes - Page 2

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Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Games
Numbers
People
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The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Relationship
Issues
People
Two
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As a psychologist, I can tell you that there are people who look very good in a group, but they're very different in a one-on-one situation.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
One On One
Psychologist
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Whatever's happening today, remember it is only ONE SCENE in a long movie. Don't treat it like it's the whole story. Keep writing the story.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Long
Stories
Writing
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The natural response to evaluation is to feel judged. We have to mature to a place where we respond to it with gratitude, and love feedback.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
And Love
Evaluation
Gratitude
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Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Parenting
Children
Pride
Somewhere Else
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Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Couple
Real
Years
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The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Christ
Our Lives
Trying
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Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Heart
People
Soul
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Closed systems run down and get more chaotic over time. Always get better by being 'open' to outside energy and templates of better ways to function.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Better Ways
Chaotic
Function
Time Always Better
Time Better Always
Closed
Systems
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Things don't change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Love
Marriage
Problem
Responsibility
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Leaders set a very clear path every day, in a thousand different ways, of what the people must attend to, inhibit, and keep it current in front of them.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Different Ways
Thousand
Attend
Current
Inhibit
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Who a person is will ultimately determine if their brains, talents, competencies, energy, effort, deal-making abilities, and opportunities will succeed.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Opportunity
Brain
Effort
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Leadership is not taken, it is given. People give leadership to those that they trust. They allow people that they trust to have influence over their lives.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Giving
People
Taken
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We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Change
Inspirational
Motivational
Parenting
Pain
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In a very real way, ownership is the essence of leadership. When you are ridiculously in charge, then you own whatever happens in a company, school, et cetera.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Essence
Real
School
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The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Care
Connected
Heart
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In a very real way, ownership is the essence of leadership. When you are 'ridiculously in charge,' then you own whatever happens in a company, school, et cetera.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Leadership
Essence
Ownership
Charge
Ridiculously
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When truth presents itself, the wise person see the light, takes it in, and makes adjustments. The fool tries to adjust the truth so he does not have to adjust to it.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Wise
Light
Trying
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If you are building a culture where honest expectations are communicated and peer accountability is the norm, then the group will address poor performance and attitudes.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Attitude
Accountability
Expectations
Honest
Norm
Poor
Address
Attitudes
Group
Performance
Peer
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The physicality of a real relationship - one that encompasses mind, body and soul - ultimately makes it more fulfilling and powerful than any virtual relationship ever could be.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Fulfilling
Physicality
Powerful
Real
Real Relationship
Soul
Ultimately
Virtual
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Dont use all-or-nothing thinking. Take each day as its own day, and dont worry about it if you mess up one day. The most important thing you can do is just get back up on the horse.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Horse
Thinking
Worry
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To grow, we need things that we do not have and cannot provide, and we need to have a source of those things who looks favorably upon us and who does things for us for our own good.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Doe
Looks
Needs
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Don't use all-or-nothing thinking. Take each day as its own day, and don't worry about it if you mess up one day. The most important thing you can do is just get back up on the horse.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Each Day
Horse
Mess
One Day
Thinking
Worry
Back Up
Important Thing
Most Important Thing
The Most Important
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If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Needs
People
Together
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If you want to become healthy, you have to surround yourself with a group of people that are getting healthy and you have to be connected to a community that is doing what you want to do.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Community
Healthy
People
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If you want to become healthy, you have to surround yourself with a group of people that are getting healthy, and you have to be connected to a community that is doing what you want to do.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Surround
Surround Yourself
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I fell in love with the topic of leadership. For three decades, that has been a major focus of my hands-on work: listening to and working with leaders, their teams and their organizations.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Decades
Love Leadership Work
Hands-On
Teams
Topic
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Encourage literally came from "in courage." The courage is put "into" you from outside. Our character and abilities grow through internalizing from others what we do not possess in ourselves.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Ability
Character
Grows
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I'm not an expert in the sociological realities of all the pastors in the world, but I would say that there are some very, very positive things about the state of integrity in church leaders.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Integrity
Past
Reality
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Physical presence provides chemical, relational, psychological and physiological effects that virtual relationships cannot. Our brains change in the presence of another person and their behavior.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Behavior
Effects
Physiological
Psychological
Brains
Chemical
Physical
Presence
Provides
Relationships
Virtual
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For someone's character to grow, it has to be free from internal attack. Falling down never stopped children from developing. But getting yelled at, criticized, and put down can stop them for life.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Character
Children
Fall
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What happens with a lot of leaders is that their leadership style is like ADD; they are all over the place with different ideas. They could be driving one idea forward but then move on to something else too soon.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Leadership
Add
Different Ideas
Forward
Move On
Something Else
Soon
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We know from research that growth is actually contagious, so if you want to reach your goals, you've got to get around people that are going in the same direction you want to be going, and you will catch the success.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Contagious
Growth
Research
Actually
Around
Same
Catch
Direction
Goals
Got
Reach
Same Direction
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The business of church is ultimately people. You're trying to heal people, grow people, teach people, and mend people. And when leaders spend all of their time helping and growing other people, they ignore their own growth.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Growth
Leader
People
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Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great metaphor for endings.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Great
Able
Alive
Metaphor
Moving
Next
Pruning
Seasons
Endings
Move
Well
Passed
Recognize
Requires
Season
Something
Which
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A culture is like an immune system. It operates through the laws of systems, just like a body. If a body has an infection, the immune system deals with it. Similarly, a group enforces its norms, either actively or passively.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Body
Culture
Deals
Groups
Immune
Infection
Law
Laws
Actively
Through
Either
Group
Norms
Passively
Similarly
System
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Endings are a part of life, and we are actually wired to execute them. But because of trauma, developmental failures, and other reasons, we shy away from the steps that could open up whole new worlds of development and growth.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Development
Growth
Shy
Steps
Trauma
Open
Endings
Execute
Reasons
Wired
Worlds
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If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part of how they see reality.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Kids
Parenting
Reality
Training
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In both our personal and professional lives, there are times when reality dictates that we must stand up and 'end' something. Either its time has passed, its season is over, or worse, continuing it would be destructive in some way.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Continuing
Destructive
Dictates
Passed
Season
Stand Up
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He is the Truth, and He wants us to deal in truth with ourselves and our loved ones. We want the truth about you and your family to flood into and overrun the secrets that keep you in bondage to dysfunctional behavior and relationships
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Loved Ones
Secret
Want
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Because dating is a human exercise, it can be a tightrope fraught with danger. You will be dating imperfect people, and some of them are more imperfect than others. In addition, you are not perfect either, so that complicates the picture.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Exercise
People
Perfect
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If you continue to blame other people for “making” you feel guilty, they still have power over you, and you are saying that you will only feel good when they stop doing that. You are giving them control over your life. Stop blaming other people.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Feel Good
Giving
People
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When a person travels through a few years with an organization, or with a partnership, or any other kind of working association, he leaves a 'wake' behind in these two areas, task and relationship: what did he accomplish and how did he deal with people?
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Organization
Two
Years
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Marriage is not slavery. It is based on a love relationship deeply rooted in freedom. Each partner is free from the other and therefore free to love the other. Where there is control, or perception of control, there is not love. Love only exists where there is freedom.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Love
Age
Perception
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There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Differences
Hurt
Reality
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It’s scary to realize that the only thing holding our friends to us isn’t our performance, or our lovability, or their guilt, or their obligation. The only thing that will keep them calling, spending time with us, and putting up with us is love. And that’s the one thing we can’t control.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Calling
Guilt
Scary
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One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach of a foreign missile, your anger can alert you to boundary violations in your life.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Firsts
Frustration
Resentment
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That is why success and fruitfulness depend as much upon focusing on the "who" you are as much as the "what" of the work you do. Invest in your character, and it will give you the returns that you are looking for by only investing in the work itself. You can't do the latter without the former.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Character
Giving
Return
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I do believe there are things that we desire that are not in the cards. But more often than not, when people have a desire for a relationship and it's not happening, there are probably issues to be resolved and issues people could work on that would ultimately end in that desire being fulfilled.
Henry Cloud / Clinical Psychologist
Cards
Fulfilled
Work Relationship Believe
Resolved
Ultimately
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