Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Nobody else feels the same way about your dog that you do.
Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere.
A tragic life is romantic when it happens to somebody else.
What is that mountain goat doing way up here in the clouds?
No more turkey, but I'd like some more of the bread it ate.
Women deserve to have more than 12 years between 28 and 40.
Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.
Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.
I think of images as an immune system and a transit system.
If you have any problems at all, don't hesitate to shut up.
I sense that the road to Heaven is paved with dashed hopes.
Race and class are the easiest divisions. It's very stupid.
After about twenty issues of Josie, they decided to pay me.
That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another.
Today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.
The surest way to become a pacifist is to join the infantry.
Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food.
Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it but don't swallow it.
The end of the world is approaching, maybe by the year 2010.
Look out for the people who allow you to do all the talking.
The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
What is an idea made of? Of future, past and also meanwhile.
I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.
Science fiction and comedy are generally a pretty bumpy mix.
Bad words don't exist, but words with bad intentions behind.
Naturally, I'm conservative; I'm a Republican. I always was.
Powerful advertising is anticipated, personal, and relevant.
I think jazz is good, but I don't enjoy it. It's not for me.
Welcome to the U.S. Capitol: Watch for falling expectations.
When I close my eyes to draw I always think Chicago in 1975.
I consider myself a right-winger and Gray was certainly one.
Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it.
I'm more interested in characters who are a little difficult.
A drawing is always dragged down to the level of its caption.
Fashion: a barricade behind which men hide their nothingness.
Lots of fellows think a home is only good to borrow money on.
Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.
In spite of all our speeding it's still the style to be late.
Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty.
The fine-art world knows very little about the cartoon world.
But mostly, it's a book about my relationship with my father.
Emotional stability has not been America's gift to the world.
If you're a leader, you don't push wet spaghetti, you pull it.
I.. Uh...What are you having?... Did you make some of those up
How can I play baseball when I'm worried about foreign policy?
I don't think of myself as an evil monster and I hope I'm not.