Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
If you are first you are first. If you are second, you are nothing.
It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Eternity's a terrible thought. I mean, where's it all going to end?
It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.
I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
Babies are always more trouble than you thought and more wonderful.
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject.
What is it like to be a bat? What is it like for a bat to be a bat?
Which is now a more hopeful statement than Swift intended it to be.
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
The Stones were nasty and ugly and doing songs I was familiar with.
Laughing together heartily at the same thing forms an instant bond.
Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it's a second language.
The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
I hate vacations. If you can build buildings, why sit on the beach?
Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
I can do anything you want me to do so long as I dont have to speak
Put it out of your mind. In no time, it will be a forgotten memory.
We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
As I learned from growing up, you don't mess with your grandmother.
Max: What's a period? George: It's a bullet we dodge, go get ready.
When I hear a great musician, I can feel his life inside the music.
I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters.
Humility is one of the most repulsive virtues, nearly always false.
Well, I used to look like this when I was young and now I still do.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!
I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig.
The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them.
She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it.
A small number of peasants - brave peasants - shot down two Apaches
It is only the very wisest and the very stupidest who never change.
The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.
Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.
I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
The Republic-of-China - back in the Olympic Games for the first time
Marriage is a bribe to make a housekeeper think she's a householder.