Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.
It's better to live one day as a lion than a dozen years as a sheep.
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
Change is not a four letter word...but often your reaction to it is!
I'm not completely sure we aren't all living in a hallucination now.
The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school.
It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
I love shifting between being super cute and aggressive. It's funny.
I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost
Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cause you were too close, kissing his!
Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.
If life must not be taken too seriously, then so neither must death.
We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?
My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.
My mind wanders a lot, but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.
There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.
The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.
You need a good bedside manner with doctors or you will get nowhere.
Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Ay, ay, the best terms will grow obsolete: damns have had their day.
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
We old roosters must be cautious. Don't try to outwit your arteries.
Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.
If you're into what you're playing, that's the most important thing.
You might not think that's cricket, and it's not, it's motor racing.
We will get them stuck in the mud and we will certainly defeat them.
That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.
Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago.
I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.
If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.
Fitness - if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body.
Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live.
I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.
They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
I went to work and did a lot of homework about what was wrong with me
A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist.
I am about to - or I am going to - die; either expression is correct.
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.