Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I don't know about Willie Davis. He's not as young as he used to be.
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
I could take Sean Connery in a fight... I could definitely take him.
A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
There's no in between-you're either good or bad. We were in between.
A week is a long time in politics, and three weeks is twice as long.
I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
I have only one ambition left: I should like to have a good epitaph.
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
Agatha Christie has given more pleasure in bed than any other woman.
Aping what you've already done is just so dangerous and unrewarding.
It's a battle with himself and with the ticking finger of the clock.
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
I have more ideas than I'll ever be able to write in five lifetimes.
I add a smile to everything I wear and that has worked great for me.
One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
I have got two reasons for success and I'm standing on both of them.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.
The Americans sowed the seed, and now they have reaped the whirlwind
My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.
I guess I don't so much mind being old, as I mind being fat and old.
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to take it off of you.
If you catch me saying 'I am a serious actor,' I beg you to slap me.
I like funny guys and those, for some reason, tend to be nerdy guys.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Shakespeare said, "Kill all the lawyers." There were no agents then.
I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.
I was glad to see Italy win. All the guys on the team were Italians.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights
That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.
Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Why don't you say "What?" if you like to sleep with your own sister.
When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.
Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard
Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don't like that.
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.