Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
To die for an idea is to set a rather high price upon conjecture.
It's easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.
All music is folk music. I ain't never heard a horse sing a song.
Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
When a husband's story is believed, he begins to suspect his wife.
No one will need more than 637Kb of memory for a personal computer
The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.
If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
... the lead is now 6.9 seconds. In fact it's just under 7 seconds
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"
The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.
Yes, the mutes are already on. You took them off in the beginning.
Well, Clive, it's all about the two Ms - movement and positioning.
If you want to climb it badly enough, you will. So... why bother ?
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
Girls have got balls. They're just a little higher up, that's all.
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
When you're certain you cannot be fooled, you become easy to fool.
There must be a goal at every stage of life! There must be a goal!
Prediction is very difficult, especially if it's about the future.
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is.
As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.
When there is an old maid in the house, a watchdog is unnecessary.
What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean.
A girl should have two things: a smile, and a guy who inspires it.
I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes.
He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
Steve Ovett, Sebastian Coe, Steve Cram - the vanguard of our cream
Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.
When asked by someone how much money flying takes: Why, all of it!
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
I hate funerals and would not attend my own if it could be avoided
We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it.
Ask him what time it is and he'll tell you how the watch was made.
To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god.
Say something idiotic and nobody but a dog politely wags his tail.
If I didn't kick his ass every day? he wouldn't be worth anything.
Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden.
There is no insanity so devastating in man's life as utter sanity.
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.
I challenge anyone, even with a radar machine, to hit that slider.
I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.