This collection holds 979 sarcastic quotes, drawn from writers, leaders, artists and thinkers across the QuoteForever archive. The most quoted voices here are John Donne, Bill Gates and Hillary Clinton.

They are ordered so that each author has a say before anyone repeats, which means the first page gives you the range of the topic rather than one writer's back catalogue. Quotes that come with a ready-made image appear first, so anything you want to share is one tap away.

Use the grid and list views to change how much of each quote you see, follow an author's name to read everything else they said, or open a quote on its own page to copy it, share it, or turn it into a picture quote.

Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies. - John Donne

Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. - Bill Gates

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my ... - Hillary Clinton

If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just ... - Mark Twain

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look ... - Hedy Lamarr

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation ... - Jules Renard

I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will ... - Winston Churchill

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and ... - Abraham Lincoln

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and ... - Oscar Wilde

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear ... - Alan Dundes

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the ... - Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I can be sarcastic.

God was bored by him.

Better never than late.

She's good, being gone.

Sarcasm is lost in print.

What is art? Prostitution.

Useless as a pulled tooth.

I do sarcasm really poorly.

Her face was her chaperone.

The perfection of rottenness.

Failure has gone to his head.

His ignorance is encyclopedic.

Sarcasm is a Manchester trait.

Don't take life too seriously.

Her skin was white as leprosy.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

The best things in life are free

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

You're a parasite for sore eyes.

I can be very dry and sarcastic.

Stay with me; I want to be alone

I've been things and seen places.

Little things affect little minds.

I have some sarcastic sides of me.

You have delighted us long enough.

Her only flair is in her nostrils.

There are no nudists in cold areas.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

The triumph of sugar over diabetes.

He's liked, but he's not well liked.

He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

Politics makes estranged bedfellows.

Remember the poor, it costs nothing.

I am pretty sarcastic and pretty dry.

Instant gratification takes too long.

My mind reels with sarcastic replies.

You had to stand in line to hate him.

He was trying to save both his faces.

Share This Page