Quotes by Iliza Shlesinger - Page 3

The more comprehensive your language is, the more likely people are to believe everything you're saying. It really just comes from the power of knowing you're the smartest person in the room, and if you aren't, you're definitely going to sound like it.
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
Power Believe People
Smartest
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I don't know what it's like to be mocked because of your skin color. I don't know what it's like to feel overweight. All I can do as a woman is have compassion, treat other women with kindness, and allow them to just be happy and not judge them for it.
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
Color
Compassion
Overweight
Skin Color
Allow
Judge
Skin
Be Happy
Just Be
Mocked
Treat
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I believe in choosing your words very carefully. It's funny: I'll get comments like, 'Oh I love you. You don't care; you have no filter.' On the contrary, I absolutely have a filter, because I understand decorum, and my objective is not to upset people.
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
Funny
Care
Contrary
Decorum
Don't Care
Love You
Upset
Words
Love Believe Your
Because
Very
Absolutely
Understand
Oh
Carefully
Choosing
Comments
Filter
Objective
On The Contrary
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I believe in having a neat workspace because everything else in my life is so unpredictable, and my mind is so crowded - I wake up with commercials from the '90s blaring in my head. I try to give myself a fighting chance by having an organized workspace.
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
Crowded
Neat
Organized
Life Chance Myself
Commercials
Everything Else
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Women are often scrutinized when they have pets that men wouldn't have. We are immediately faulted for having the wrong kind of pet rather than anyone first think, 'Wow, she rescued an animal that would have been otherwise killed and gave them a great home - how sweet!'
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
Pet
Wow
Men Women Home
Pets
Rescued
Scrutinized
Wrong Kind
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I really wanted to do a deep-dive into the idea that women are always called 'crazy,' and we are painted with such broad strokes because it's so easy to stereotype women and write them off. I got tired of that, and I wanted to explain: We are not crazy. There's a method to our madness.
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
Easy
Madness
Method
Stereotype
Strokes
Tired
Wanted
Women Are
Broad
Idea
Explain
Off
Painted
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Ladies, just know that when you grow your hair too long, you got about two inches difference between really hot, sexy supermodel - religious fanatic. Hot Maxim cover girl everybody wants a mouth kiss - unhealthy faith in your lord. Soft, silky, shiny hair everyone wants to touch - one of 12 brides.
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
Girl
Kissing
Religious
Sexy
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Most women have jobs that require them to leave the house. A cat is actually a perfect pet. You get the love and companionship of a creature covered in fur, and you don't have to take it for a walk, and it can feed itself. Less maintenance. Surely any man can appreciate the practicality of this choice.
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
Jobs
Pet
Appreciate
Cat
Companionship
Covered
Fur
House
Maintenance
Perfect
Practicality
Love Women Man
Actually
Less
Choice
Itself
Creature
Feed
Leave
Walk
Require
Surely
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When you're missing your two front teeth, that's honesty. That is a door to your oral history. You're not covering anything up. You're saying, 'Hey world, I'm missing my front teeth. I'm gross; I'm dirty; I'm poor. I clearly have no problem with public urination and eating garbage. Don't come near me, I'll gum you to death!
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
Dirty
Honesty
Two
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I grew up in a bit of a vacuum. And as a kid, you see 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' and you're like, 'Oh, it's a cartoon.' There's mixed media. It's funny, and there's stop-motion. But as an adult, you figure it out, how the entire underpinnings of their comedy was poking fun at the rank and file of the British aristocracy and the monarchy.
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
Funny
Aristocracy
British
Cartoon
Circus
Comedy
Flying
Fun
Grew
Media
Monarchy
Monty
Python
Adult
Bit
Oh
Entire
Figure
Mixed
Poking
Rank
Vacuum
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I was in New York last Christmas - it's snowing; there's a guy in a t-shirt. I'm like, 'Dude, aren't you cold?' 'No, I'm from New York. I don't get cold.' Just 'cause you're from a cold place doesn't mean you're genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. You're not a penguin. I was like, 'In fact, sir, you're Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold.
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
New York
Mean
Snow
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I learned this one growing up in Texas and, subsequently, living in Los Angeles: always use the 'usted' form when speaking to a Spanish official. Mexican border patrol cops don't like it when you call them 'amigo,' give them a hardy pat on the back, slip a $20 in their pocket. No bueno, it doesn't fly. By the way, those of you not laughing at that obviously took French in high school, and that was a gay choice.
Iliza Shlesinger / Comedian
Gay
Growing Up
School
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Iliza Shlesinger Quotes - Page 3

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