Quotes by Kristen Schaal - Page 2

Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Funny
Humor
Talking
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Bad improv happens with people who are inexperienced with each other and don't know the craft that well. But bad stand-up is something that could happen to someone at any level in their career.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Craft
Improv
Inexperienced
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Sometimes I try to sell shows with a female lead to networks, and that isn't something that's been a proven formula for them, so they reject it. I do feel like men get the funniest roles in movies.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Female
Proven
Networks
Sell
Funniest
Reject
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He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Funny
Humor
Want
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The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Funny
Humor
Ugly
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I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Funny
Humor
Mean
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I would be an actress for the rest of my life just because it's really relaxing. Writing is hard work, and stand-up is so stressful before you get on stage, but acting is a complete ensemble experience.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Ensemble
Hard Work
Stressful
Life Work Experience
Complete
Relaxing
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The more women sit down and write something in a woman's voice for a woman, they more you'll see women in comedy because gender doesn't define sense of humor. Imagination and intelligence and perspective do.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Perspective
Sense Of Humor
Define
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Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Funny
Humor
Stupid
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I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can. 'Flight Of The Conchords' was so wonderful because I had a family for two years.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Flight
Lonely
Family Home Day
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You go from nobody looking at you to people taking second looks. I remember really loving it - and then feeling so guilty for loving it. Like, 'That's gross, Kristen.' Also, telling myself it could go away at any moment, and I'd be so sad.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Gross
Guilty
Go Away
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My style can't be held within a pixel medium. Like, it needs to be performed in a living, breathing space. People need to have all their senses ready to take on my comedy, and unfortunately, TV alienates at least their sense of touch, taste, smell.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Senses
Smell
Taste
Unfortunately
Held
Medium
Performed
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Animals in general have sparked a weird depression in me, because as much as I tried, I couldn't layer a personality over them. You know what I mean? I would stare at the cows, and I would sing to the cows, and they would always just look at me blankly.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Cows
Personality Always Me
Layer
Stare
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I probably shouldn't say this about all animals, but at least the farm animals that I've hung out with, and even when I go to the zoo usually, they're like a blank slate. I guess that's why I like them. They're puppets, and you can imagine them being anything you want.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Blank
Hung
Imagine
Puppets
Slate
Animals
Blank Slate
Farm
Guess
Least
Zoo
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The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Funny
Ambition
Heart
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I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Funny
Humor
Baby
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I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Hilarious
Animal
Being Alone
Bunch
Cows
Growing Up
Grows
Isolation
Thinking
Entertain
Farm
Make Up
Nearby
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I think it's great training for any comedian to start on cows. Because with cows, you expect them to be bored and just stare at you blankly. And that's exactly what you'll get at a comedy club. If you can toughen up with a cow audience, then you'll never be worried with a human audience.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Bored
Comedian
Cows
Worried
Comedy Club
Cow
Exactly What
Stare
Toughen
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In the U.K., there's absolutely no money for television. So you can do pretty much whatever you want. They're not losing money on any of the shows, so they'll give you a lot of creative freedom. In the United States, there are millions and millions of dollars at stake, so they need a sure formula.
Kristen Schaal / Actress
Dollars
Losing
Millions And Millions
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Kristen Schaal Quotes - Page 2

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