Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country.
God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.
Instrument flying is an unnatural act probably punishable by God.
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to be a noose.
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.
The American's head are on their chins a little bit at the moment
The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
I've sometimes thought of marrying - and then I've thought again.
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer.
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Minds are like parachutes, they only function when they are open.
Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.
When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!
There is no Democratic or Republican way of cleaning the streets.
My retirement plan was in place but Bernie Maidoff with my money.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Sometimes I feel like the fire hydrant looking at a pack of dogs.
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
I never took the game home with me. I always left it in some bar.
Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.
What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant.
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
I ain't afraid to love a man. I ain't afraid to shoot him either.
A drinker has a hole under his nose that all his money runs into.
Life, alas, is very drear. Up with the glass! Down with the beer!
What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered.
Do you remember when we played in Spain in the Anglo-Italian Cup?
College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.
There are three natural anaesthetics: Sleep, fainting, and death.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Tell him he can have my title, but I want it back in the morning.
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.