Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I love having a boyfriend but need to be secure on my own first.
There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
I don't know which is more discouraging, literature or chickens.
You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.
Zane Smith is a guy who can shut you out as well as look at you.
A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
My dream was to be either a volleyball player or a veterinarian.
You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.
A feminist jumps out of a manhole - oh, and she didn't like that.
I would sooner read a timetable or a catalog than nothing at all.
My personal hobbies are reading, listening to music, and silence.
I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked them.
Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up.
Last night I neglected to mention something that bears repeating.
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!"
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.
Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.
The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.
Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police.
Ronald Regan doesn't dye his hair - he's just prematurely orange.
Onward we stagger, and if the tanks come, may God help the tanks.
If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.
Why don't you click your heels three times and go back to Africa.
As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
You really have got lots of issues! Yeah, of 'What Car Magazine'!
Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.
Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth.
Translators are like ninjas. If you notice them, they’re no good.
Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!
Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there.
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him.
It's not so much a thankless task, it's more a job with no thanks
Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.
I sure hope you're staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series.