Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Whatever it took to help Taiwan defend theirself.
I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.
Don't clap I'm not a jazz band for Christ's sake.
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
I have a really dark, rich, thick sense of humor.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.
The love of truth lies at the root of much humor.
They throw Winfield out at second, but he's safe.
Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival.
Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own
Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.
A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.
We don't appreciate the value of humor sometimes.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Templeton is as hot as you can be and still walk!
When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.
I've eaten things that didn't complain this much.
I find flaws attractive. I find scars attractive.
I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.
He who does not like you will defame you in jest.
Will the highways on the Internet become more few?
Laughter is the closest thing to the grace of God.
This opens the door on another chapter of history.
Every fight is a food fight when youre a cannibal.
George Hendrick simply lost that sun-blown pop-up.
Mixing humor and politics is something that works.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.
I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach.
When you lose your hands, you can't play baseball.
She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
I'm not an expert on the Malaysian sense of humor.
I was an altar boy as a kid. And the answer is no.
I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol
Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great.
Never place a period where God has placed a comma.
If you don't grow up by age 35, you don't have to.
"What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!"
I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan.
Dumb dog. I bought a dog whistle. He won't use it.
Texas humor and Southern humor are pretty similar.
Flatterers look like friends, as wolves like dogs.
Expect not praise without envy until you are dead.