Quotes by Bill Bailey - Page 4

If you're going to perform, you're going to attract criticism. You can't please everyone all the time. You don't know how things are going to come out. But that's part of the fun of it, the adventure of doing any kind of art.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Adventure
Criticism
Attract
Please Everyone
Copy Quote
I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Bird
Bottles
Stuff
Copy Quote
At yoga you get some sense of spiritual space so that people don't intrude. You can go there and close your eyes and no one will talk to you. People are too worried about not fainting to bother with some bloke who was on the telly.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Bother
Bloke
Intrude
Telly
Copy Quote
The worst thing is when people try and take pictures surreptitiously. I always say, 'Look, you can ask me for a photograph. You will get a much better one than just the side of my face.' Sometimes they just run off. They can't cope.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Photograph
Cope
Face Look Me
Worst Thing
Copy Quote
I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Funny
Humor
Thinking
Copy Quote
I think happiness really happens when you least expect it: it's when you're not really thinking about it, when you're not trying to achieve it, when you're not trying to get the perfect holiday, the perfect life, the perfect body, the perfect existence.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Holiday
Perfect Life
Copy Quote
The point with me is that it's always been, even with the stand-up, that the music has to be right. You have to take it seriously. You have to try and play it as faithfully as possible. That way it helps the comedy. Rather than just playing it in a silly way.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Silly
Music Always Me
Music Me Way
Faithfully
Copy Quote
It's a lovely moment when everyone's part of something greater than the sum of its parts. That encapsulates what a comedy gig should be, with the comic as the lightning rod, the Norse mischief god, getting the audience to do something they wouldn't necessarily do.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Lightning
Lovely
Mischief
Gig
Rod
Sum
Copy Quote
I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
College
Fun
Teaching
Copy Quote
Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Funny
Humor
Book
Copy Quote
A lot of the time, you need to find the right home for ideas. You know, sometimes you think 'oh this'd be a sitcom, oh, no it wouldn't, it'd be a drama, or an educational thing, or a doco or something.' I've got loads of ideas and you just have to keep sending them and pitching them.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Drama
Educational
Ideas
Pitching
Sitcom
Oh
Time Home Sometimes
Loads
Sending
Copy Quote
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Jobs
College
Thinking
Copy Quote
Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Funny
Humor
Law
Copy Quote
Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail out of the joke, I lose commitment in it, I'll give you an example: Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Commitment
Numbers
Stupid
Copy Quote
That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Funny
Humor
Religious
Copy Quote
My grandparents lived with us. And I remember watching 'Doctor Who' with my granddad on his new telly. These were the days before remote controls but my granddad, being quite a resourceful sort of chap, had fashioned his own remote control - which was a length of bamboo pole with a bit of cork that he'd glued on the end.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Bamboo
Doctor Who
Length
Resourceful
Chap
Glued
Pole
Remote
Telly
Copy Quote
When I was in Cardiff, playing with the National Orchestra of Wales, they said they get letters from people complaining if they're smiling during the concert. Nuts, isn't it? As if you have to respect the solemnity of the music by not smiling. Music is this joyful thing that enriches our lives, and you're not supposed to smile?
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Complaining
Joyful
Letters
Nuts
Orchestra
Solemnity
Wales
Concert
Smiling
Copy Quote
Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Dream
Funny
Country
Copy Quote
The reason we'd stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom. Whoever was charged with making the announcement momentarily lost all sense of procedure and we got this tantalizing glimpse into the chaos on the trains, and all we could hear was (bangs on microphone) "Gary, it's burning, what we gonna do?!" And everyone on the carriage just cheered, "Hooray! We're rubbish!"
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Funny
Humor
Fire
Copy Quote
You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey, the so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing. Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
Bill Bailey / Comedian
Funny
Confused
Philosophical
Copy Quote

Related Comedian Authors

Steven Wright
Comedian
Tuesday, Dec 06, 1955
Rodney Dangerfield
Comedian
Tuesday, Nov 22, 1921
Tuesday, Oct 05, 2004
Groucho Marx
Comedian
Thursday, Oct 02, 1890
Friday, Aug 19, 1977
George Carlin
Comedian
Wednesday, May 12, 1937
Sunday, Jun 22, 2008
Zach Anner
Comedian
Saturday, Nov 17, 1984
Yakov Smirnoff
Comedian
Wednesday, Jan 24, 1951
Winston Spear
Comedian
Will Ferrell
Comedian
Sunday, Jul 16, 1967
Will Durst
Comedian
Tuesday, Mar 18, 1952
Wil Anderson
Comedian
Thursday, Jan 31, 1974
Whoopi Goldberg
Comedian
Sunday, Nov 13, 1955
Whitney Cummings
Comedian
Saturday, Sep 04, 1982
Wendy Liebman
Comedian
Monday, Feb 27, 1961
Warren Hutcherson
Comedian
Thursday, Oct 31, 1963
Wanda Sykes
Comedian
Saturday, Mar 07, 1964

View All Comedian Quotes

Top Authors

Joe Biden
Vice President Of The United States
Friday, Nov 20, 1942
Marcus Aurelius
Roman Emperor
Saturday, Apr 26, 0121
Friday, Mar 17, 0180
Mahatma Gandhi
Civil Rights Leader
Saturday, Oct 02, 1869
Friday, Jan 30, 1948
Les Brown
Author
Saturday, Feb 17, 1945
Marcus Tullius Cicero
Philosopher
John Muir
Author
Saturday, Apr 21, 1838
Thursday, Dec 24, 1914
Dwight D. Eisenhower
34Th U.s. President
Tuesday, Oct 14, 1890
Friday, Mar 28, 1969
Kim Kardashian
Television Personality
Tuesday, Oct 21, 1980
Dolly Parton
Singer-Songwriter
Saturday, Jan 19, 1946
Albert Camus
Author
Friday, Nov 07, 1913
Monday, Jan 04, 1960
Steve Jobs
Entrepreneur
Thursday, Feb 24, 1955
Wednesday, Oct 05, 2011
Martin Luther
Monk
Saturday, Nov 10, 1483
Monday, Feb 18, 1546
Ernest Hemingway
Author
Friday, Jul 21, 1899
Sunday, Jul 02, 1961
Isaac Newton
Physicist
Sunday, Jan 04, 1643
Monday, Mar 31, 1727
Khalil Gibran
Poet
Saturday, Jan 06, 1883
Friday, Apr 10, 1931

View All Authors

Bill Bailey Quotes - Page 4

Picture Quotes Maker

Related Comedian Authors

Popular Topic Tags

Top Authors

Share This Page

Stay Connected

Picture Quotes Maker

Related Comedian Authors

Popular Topic Tags

Top Authors

Share This Page