Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.
To me, Texas is Austin, a bunch of cool people trying to make a difference.
We'll see who believes in me now. I am the Prankster God - I am killing me!
The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions
I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.
It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick.
I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.
I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous -- as long as you're honest.
In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth... see you at the final.
I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.
My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.
Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.
Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.
Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.
I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.
You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really un-evolved?
I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.
Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.
Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health-nut dude. The plot thickens.
No one knows what it's like ... to be a dustbin ... in Shaftesbury ... with hooligans.
Nonsmokers--this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.
Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.
Isn't that weird, we've made nature against the law. That's how un-natural we've become.
I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]
You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.
A Christian will say... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.
People always snap and think they're Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they're Buddha?
Jesus-murdered. Martin Luther King-murdered. Gandhi-murdered. Malcolm X-murdered. Reagan-wounded.
Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren't partyin'.
I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind's sole purpose on this planet.
Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.
As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay?
BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You're not a human being until you're in my phone book.
I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift.
I'm just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious.
We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.
I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us...to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells.
And if I can take part in it by transforming my own consciousness, then someone else's, I'm happy to do it.
It seems to me that there will be a point in out development or our evolution where you put your guns aside.
If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.
What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.