Terry Pratchett Quotes - Page 10

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Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.

Nanny Ogg never did any housework herself, but she was the cause of housework in other people.

You've got a lot of time for abstract thought when you've got your hand stuck up a dead badger.

Many an ancient lord's last words have been, 'You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh.'

This is Art holding a Mirror up to Life. That’s why everything is exactly the wrong way around.

The enemy isn’t men, or women, it’s bloody stupid people and no-one has the right to be stupid.

Young adults that actually read are reading bodice rippers and best-sellers and me. And Horror.

Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life.

We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork.

Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.

Building a temple didn't mean you believed in gods, it just meant you believed in architecture.

All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums.

'Don't think of it as dying,' said Death. 'Just think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush.'

Nothing I can say or devise, and nothing anybody else can say or devise, is going to be perfect.

At least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and important facts of the universe.

Whole new theories of money were growing here like mushrooms: in the dark and based on bullshit.

Even a really bad creator would at least have started with Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Surprise.

The Battle of Koom Valley is the only one known to history where both sides ambushed each other.

You were safe on a troll. Anyone wanting to mug a troll would have to use a building on a stick.

There would be a price... But if you were worried about the price, then why were you in the shop?

Perhaps it would be simpler if you just did what you're told and didn't try to understand things.

A push-and-go wooden duck on wheels can cause quite a lot of damage if wielded with enough force.

"Multiple exclamation marks," he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure sign of a diseased mind."

The English were notoriously unenthusiastic about burning witches. I suppose ours were too soggy.

People don't alter history any more than birds alter the sky, they just make brief patterns in it.

If you kept changing the way people saw the world, you ended up changing the way you saw yourself.

People are content to wait a long time for salvation, but prefer dinner to turn up inside an hour.

Little crimes breed big crimes. You smile at little crimes and then big crimes blow your head off.

Are you a devious, plotting, unreliable madman? Ah, good, then you can be my most trusted advisor.

Voodoo is a very interesting religion for the whole family, even those members of it who are dead.

He looked up at them, a scruffy Napoleon with his laces trailing, exiled to a rose-trellised Elba.

Matter exploded into being, apparently as chaos, but in fact as a chord. The ultimate power chord.

I would advise budding writers some other kind of job, unless they think they're very, very lucky.

He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk.

Them as can do has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices.

Look, he said to his imagination, if this is how you're going to behave, I shan't bring you again.

There is no doubt that being human is incredibly difficult and cannot be mastered in one lifetime.

You can't find a hermit to teach you herming, because of course that rather spoils the whole thing.

Joy is to fun what the deep sea is to a puddle. It’s a feeling inside that can hardly be contained.

She was a beefy young woman and, whatever piece of music she was playing, it was definitely losing.

People's whole lives do pass in front of their eye before they die. The process is called "Living".

It's tough at the top. It's tough at the bottom. But in between you could use them for horse-shoes.

As we all know, the Discworld is a flat planet - like a geological pizza, but without the anchovies.

The thing with crowns is, it isn't the putting them on that's the problem, it's the taking them off.

The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it.

Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended.

Vampires have risen from the dead, the grave, and the crypt, but have never managed it from the cat.

I know that I am a small, weak man, but I have amassed a large library; I dream of dangerous places.

I think it's IMPOSSIBLE for anyone famous to come from here, because everyone around here is insane.

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