Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.
Money will come when you are doing the right thing.
To young men contemplating a voyage I would say go.
If you don't run your own life, somebody else will.
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
Muzzle a dog and he will bark out of the other end.
I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.
This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus.
It is, ... kind of a softball atmosphere out there.
Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
You can't be funny if you don't have good material.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.
My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Heaven begat Virtue in me; what can man do unto me?
America is a land where men govern, but women rule.
Let's start at 35 because I don't know where it is.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.
Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.
You shall know the truth, and it will make you odd.
I've gone where the hand of man has never set foot.
For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield.
Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it.
If she were a president, she'd be Baberham Lincoln.
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.
Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.
Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat.
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.
Today, the tide has turned, we are destroying them.
I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.
Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork?
I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love
In love, women are professionals, men are amateurs.
To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.
The greatest teacher is just going out and playing.