Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over.
Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity.
Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
I can't control the wind but I can adjust the sail.
Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic.
I have no problem not listening to the Temptations.
A race track is a place where windows clean people.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
A fox should not be on the jury at a goose's trial.
Guess what, Martin Luther King? I had a dream, too.
There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
We were wavering around like a ship without a sail.
I buy expensive suits - they just look cheap on me.
The English contribution to world cuisine: the chip.
He (The Agent) just takes ten per cent of your life.
I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and fries.
When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
I'm not a facebook status you don't have to like me.
Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.
Women like silent men. They think they're listening.
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
I played so bad, I got a get-well card from the IRS.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.
I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth!
I do not miss ITV, God no! Have you seen ITV lately?
My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all.
Yesterday I was lying, today I am telling the truth.
Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
We're going to move left and right at the same time.
We all have to die some day, if we live long enough.
Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?
Smoking is indispensable if one has nothing to kiss.
Even in killing men, observe the rules of propriety.
Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.
There was confusion since I stood here 35 years ago.
I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT
I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.
Keep running after a dog and he will never bite you.
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!