I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.

I love making friends.... it's people I can't stand.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

You can't just go gay, its not like buying a ladder.

Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.

Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles.

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers.

They're just jokes, people. They can't all be funny.

The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.

Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

I'm saving my sick days for when I'm feeling better.

Art is so often better at theology than theology is.

That you, sister. May you be the mother of a bishop.

Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Ninety percent of putts that are short, don't go in.

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

Behind every good decathlete, there's a good doctor.

It's not how you look, it's how you feel in the dark

I can prove anything by statistics except the truth.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

I'm gonna hump ya. Like Deputy Dog... Would hump ya.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

It takes all sorts of people to make the underworld.

I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!

You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.

They'll score if they can just get into the endzone.

Yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared I might kill Schmeling.

Thats not a place where I'm considered good-looking.

Turner was like a pencil. He bent around that pitch!

When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.

Haters keep on hating, cause somebody's gotta do it.

Fast is only cool if it's melodic and has substance.

I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.

The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.

Every kind of music is good, except the boring kind.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.

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